The Strange Guilt that comes with happiness…….

This sad strange world we’re in has brought about enormous change in our lives…..so enormous I struggle to remember what they are at times…but I’ve found myself disappearing into my own world, suspended in a bubble of happiness that only a ping from my phone or iPad can burst. A reminder appearing to contact a friend who is struggling, not well, confined to bed and that’s when this guilt appears. The guilt that a moment ago I was happy and unaware….

I wish I’d thought to raise some money at the beginning of all this because then I would have thought I was ‘doing’ something, but, looking back, I was quite selfishly just trying to find my way to survive this.
I started to post my piccies on the village website, something I never knew existed, and have made so many new friends through it, some of whom I may never see and others who now recognise me as we’re out for a daily village trundle and they see the camera round my neck.

I’m told my photos bring joy, which is why I carry on posting them. Some villagers are unable to get out and they say how it brings the outside world to them. But they also bring me great joy as I’m totally immersed in my world while I’m out taking them. Beaming with joy as the new duckling come into view as I approach the village pond,

the blossom decking the village at the moment taking my breathe away with it’s beauty.

In those moments I’m sooo happy that everything else in the world disappears and I’m suspended in my happy bubble of joy then I arrive back home and a thought or an image appears and my mood crashes to the floor. The guilt of feeling happy when so many others are sad.

When I asked someone if they were ok because they seemed sad, they said:

“There’s a lot to be sad about at the moment”

…which made me realise how lucky I am really. My glass half full personality looks for the positives to survive, whereas glass half empty folk find that so difficult and are immersed in the sadness. I wish I could give them some of my excess sparkle, some of my excess smiles…..I must really annoy them…

Dementia once more has unwittingly given me a chance to forget the tragedy that’s around us. I’m sure it would be furious to know that the bubble of happiness I can enter, is giving me a way to survive these times…..

As the amazing Captain Tom Moore, the inspirational 99 year old, having raised a staggering £12 Million plus said, after completing his 100th lap this morning:

“We’ve had problems before and overcome them and we’ll overcome them again. The sun will shine on you again and the clouds will go away”

Says it all really……