The Strange Guilt that comes with happiness…….

This sad strange world we’re in has brought about enormous change in our lives…..so enormous I struggle to remember what they are at times…but I’ve found myself disappearing into my own world, suspended in a bubble of happiness that only a ping from my phone or iPad can burst. A reminder appearing to contact a friend who is struggling, not well, confined to bed and that’s when this guilt appears. The guilt that a moment ago I was happy and unaware….

I wish I’d thought to raise some money at the beginning of all this because then I would have thought I was ‘doing’ something, but, looking back, I was quite selfishly just trying to find my way to survive this.
I started to post my piccies on the village website, something I never knew existed, and have made so many new friends through it, some of whom I may never see and others who now recognise me as we’re out for a daily village trundle and they see the camera round my neck.

I’m told my photos bring joy, which is why I carry on posting them. Some villagers are unable to get out and they say how it brings the outside world to them. But they also bring me great joy as I’m totally immersed in my world while I’m out taking them. Beaming with joy as the new duckling come into view as I approach the village pond,

the blossom decking the village at the moment taking my breathe away with it’s beauty.

In those moments I’m sooo happy that everything else in the world disappears and I’m suspended in my happy bubble of joy then I arrive back home and a thought or an image appears and my mood crashes to the floor. The guilt of feeling happy when so many others are sad.

When I asked someone if they were ok because they seemed sad, they said:

“There’s a lot to be sad about at the moment”

…which made me realise how lucky I am really. My glass half full personality looks for the positives to survive, whereas glass half empty folk find that so difficult and are immersed in the sadness. I wish I could give them some of my excess sparkle, some of my excess smiles…..I must really annoy them…

Dementia once more has unwittingly given me a chance to forget the tragedy that’s around us. I’m sure it would be furious to know that the bubble of happiness I can enter, is giving me a way to survive these times…..

As the amazing Captain Tom Moore, the inspirational 99 year old, having raised a staggering £12 Million plus said, after completing his 100th lap this morning:

“We’ve had problems before and overcome them and we’ll overcome them again. The sun will shine on you again and the clouds will go away”

Says it all really……

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

18 thoughts on “The Strange Guilt that comes with happiness…….

  1. Wendy, such an inspirational message. I think it’s lovely that you staying positive in such difficult times and giving so much joy to those people who can’t get out. Keep smiling . 😁
    Sending love to you. Viv 💕💓💖

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I totally agree with the Viv who has written before me. You bring you to others Wendy . Please never apologise for bringing sunshine into other people’s lives and brightening their days. You can’t change their life but you can lighten their mood. 🤗🤗🤗vivienne

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Wendy, I have read your blogs for a number of months, years even. I found this one particularly uplifting. Your village photos are a lovely idea in terms of friendship, community and connection. Being positive is one of your many gifts; continue to shine your light without guilt x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Another little bit of positive for you Wendy. After reading your post from yesterday and sharing now 3 of my friends have bought your book! Even better one of them is generation younger xx Your photos are fab too xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wendy, You are doing so much good in our world for others, the photos are uplifting, your attitude inspirational.
    I really enjoyed the writings of this particular blog… stay safe, enjoy the sunny days & breath in the moments of joy that nature provides ☀️🦋🐝

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well said Wendy. I live alone & do all I can not to let the understandable negativity around us take over. Taking pleasure in the sunshine or birds in the garden etc makes a world of difference, as does the applauding for the N.H.S etc each Thursday. It’s lovely to see my neighbours clapping along & acknowledging each other in our support. Counting our blessings is a great way to get through the tough times. Never feel guilty about any happiness you experience, you have bucket loads of compassion & deserve to feel good. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As always, Wendy, your ‘commentary’ regarding ‘these days’ causes us to reflect on the positives that we have access to, and ‘inspires’ us to ‘always look on the bright side of life’!
    Certainly our lives, for good reason, have become rather more enclosed but your positive words and the wonderful ‘can-dos’ as exercised by Captain Tom (and, I’m sure, many other thoughtful young and old people!) will strengthen our desire to see these days through.
    Thank you.
    Bob xx

    Liked by 1 person

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