Category Archives: A day in the life

Everyday experience of living with dementia.

Trip to Bluecoat in Liverpool …

It had been raining heavily overnight – the perfect time for rain 😊…it was 04.35 when my alarm went off. I showered and dressed and sat on my bed with a cuppa looking out longingly at the morning sky, but knew I mustn’t go out this morning as the taxi was due at 6am for my trip to Liverpool. Peaking between the trees I could just see the moon. I looked at my moon web site, which is a permanent feature on my screen and it wasn’t due to set until 07.11. I’m fascinated by the moon, with it’s own rise and fall calendar, its unpredictable nature taking you by surprise some mornings and around some days. Yesterday morning, it was glorious as I started my early morning walk. The moon crystal clear between the houses as it was laying it’s head down after a night shining bright

I was heading to Liverpool to the Bluecoat exhibition centre.

“Bluecoat is Liverpool’s contemporary arts centre, a working home for artists, and a place where audiences can experience art in new ways.”

I was there for mine and Suki’s final event together of her work Conscious.

I’d been hoping to travel the day before and have a look around this, one of my favourite cities, but my busy calendar had thought otherwise hence the silly o’clock start.

Suki was also launching her video – FOG, a 360° immersive video exploring life with dementia. If attending the centre you could view it using a VCR headset – the sort I associate with video games. You can never achieve perfection when trying to replicate our world but Suki has achieved something that comes close when trying to replicate my world. You can view it here on You tube

I only had time for one hug in a mug before my taxi was due 😳 so I’d have to hope there was more en route….

I’d never been to Liverpool on the train before. The last time I went, it was with Sarah

I remember having such a wonderful time. So I had to be doubly prepared, have everything written down. Sophie from Bluecoat was meeting me at the station, so no need to plan a walking route from there.

I had to change at Leeds – a very rare occurrence. I looked up from my screen as I was typing this and saw the familiar white flash of wings of a barn owl, flying alongside the train at eye level in the field by the track. I’d wished I’d hade my camera, wished I could stop the train, wished I could get my phone out quick enough to take a snap….but knew I couldn’t do any, so simply watch its elegant grace as it flew to who knows where…….❤️….

Arriving at Hull, I got a cuppa, sat for a while checking and double checking things, then boarded the train to Leeds. I’d forgotten to put a coat on as it had been warm the last few days and I’d sort of got into the habit of not wearing one. The air was fresh and chilled after the overnight rain, but hopefully the promised sun would warm me up. It didn’t actually look that promising as we crossed the Humber, but I double checked my weather app and yes, it SAID it would be sunny 🙄 I wasn’t convinced 😂

Arriving at Leeds, I’d checked my train app and my next train was from the same platform. Glancing at my return journey I noticed it was bringing me home on a totally different route via Sheffield 😳…I’d worry about that later…..

So now to the final train to Liverpool …it was mega busy and trust me to get on at the wrong end of the carriage for my seat 🙈….I seemed to be going against the traffic 🙄 and then when I got to my seat, horror of horrors….no window 😳😳😳…all I had was a grey wall to stare at 🙈…..red 5 on black 6….as I quickly started a game of solitaire to allow me to calm down and think….I stood up and looked further down the carriage but it was just packed…I was stuck….maybe someone around me will get off at a stop soon 🤞but they didn’t…..and I couldn’t even get a Wi-Fi signal so also couldn’t do the writing I needed to do 🙄…..moral of the tale…never book seat C3/4 on a Transpennine train. If only I thought I’d remember 🤣…..

At last, Manchester Victoria appeared and most of the train departed leaving me seats to choose from 🥵….I’d become totally discombobulated sat, in what was basically, a cubicle with no window 🥵

Another hour for the journey and that would hopefully give me time to regain my head. The sky line of Manchester looked very grey….

As we reached the last station before Liverpool, the lovely scouse accent appeared……

And reaching my destination, Sophie was there waiting for me with a smiley face…..we ambled along the streets of Liverpool for just 10 minutes before reaching the wonderful Bluecoat building. The first brick was laid in 1717 as a Orphan Boys school and not changed until 1927 when it became an Arts Centre. Many of the original trustees and subscribers were engaged in the transatlantic slave trade, which is why many people have questioned the buildings existence at all.

A stunning building to work in and the oldest in the city centre that has a sad history of being built from the slave trade…but they have an exhibition of that on at the moment to try and be open and honest about their history and origins. But as I said out of bad beginnings came a good future………

The one thing I instantly liked about the gallery, is the fact that it has no airs and graces. It’s a gallery for the people to enjoy with all sorts of exhibitions

One exhibition actually welcomes you to the gallery in the form of giant inflatables outside in the courtyard

After a cuppa and a selfie with Sophie, who’s worked in this wonderful place for 4 years

….we headed into the galleries to see the first film…..there were comfy armchairs and settees…..the ideal way to view…

The Fog in my Head first…..in which I say….

I have to believe in me…..you’re in familiar surroundings but you can’t make sense of them. You can’t work out the reality. …..so many people feel this fog yet don’t understand what’s happening to them…..

…..and there’s that stunning image of the bees……

It was amazing to see the film on a cinema sized screen. It gave it so much more power and atmosphere. The sheer size of the screen did what any cinema screen does and totally immerses you in the images appearing and the voice speaking, in this case mine.

The next was on smaller screens, the film with me and Pegeen. The first and immediate thing I noticed was how different my voice was on this one; more confident, more how it used to be. I said this to Suki afterwards and she confirmed that one was made first, 4 years ago.

I can’t share the films as they’re on tour at the mo. They’re also due to be seen down in Portsmouth, Somerset and Isle of Portland – we used to regularly visit Portland when the children were small and we always thought of it as a mystical, magical, ghostly place….

Finally, it was time to go into the room where we were having our talk. It was set out like a lovely café with tea and cake for all the guests …we wanted an intimate friendly feel to the session and people seemed to appreciate it and all tickets had been sold. The sound people getting ready to record the session….

It seemed to go really well, with lots of laughter and a few tears but people were very receptive to mine and Suki’s conversation. Obviously I wasn’t typing during this so not sure what was said..

But you can listen t it on the link below

Many people came up afterwards to chat. Most of the books I’d brought to sell were sold and Louis had laid a few out at the beginning with the pack of cards illustrations

Luckily for me, Louis from Bluecoat took care of that so people could pay by card. Susan, who reads my blog came to say hello and have a hug, as did a wonderful professional. Her department works with people with dementia but not until they’re in crisis. She has this amazing vision of being a department that works with people from the start, preventing the crisis from occurring. To help people start to live after a diagnosis. I told her about our Good Life course and now she’s going to message me for an introduction to Damian.

When the audience had left, some lingering longer than others, Louis and Sophie took us outside for lunch in their wonderful garden. I had toast 🤣 which I just love because of the smell.

In the blink of an eye, my time was up and my train time was fast approaching. I couldn’t believe the 4.5hours had gone so quick! I still had so much to see, so much chatting to do with Suki but time ran out and Suki took me back to the station where I’m typing these final words….

Now it’s also the end of Dementia Awareness week…..all week Bradford University has been publishing quotes from their Experts by Experience and this is the one I gave them. It doesn’t just apply to those with dementia, but to anyone……if you zoom in you’ll hopefully be able to read it …..

Simple things can turn a bad day into not so bad……

I’d woken not feeling quite right, couldn’t put my finger on it, just felt…..well, nothing.
I followed my routine of getting up and going out for the sunrise, not quite knowing what else to do.It was later than usual, having to rise up through the low cloud cover

I stood, my feet buried in the damp dewy grass and watched….

…as it rose higher and higher. Seconds of slow but reassuring movement of the sun

I never tire of watching it, it’s routine existence as important as my own

It was then my furry friend snuck up behind me with Stuart close behind and we ambled together through the wood and out the other side. Merlin just bouncing with energy. We were saying how Merlin always gets a good workout early in the morning and then I added that I do too as Stuart walks much faster than my own trundle but I keep up, enjoying their company and chatter as we go.

I had to stop once more as I glimpsed the sun through the trees

The sky at the other side of the playing field ablaze with colour as the sun, once more began disappearing behind the clouds

Merlin always senses the need to wait for me and won’t continue unless we’re both walking…

Through the gallops and there’s nothing Merlin loves more than to skid and roll about in the cool dewy long grass. For me, it’s the view of the clouds that bring me the same pleasure

Trying to keep pace and chatter means my camera is forgotten and no more piccies until we are almost home. Stuart today, getting the morning papers so keeping me company to the shop. So we head passed the church and the 4 ponies are stood in the watery sunshine waiting for their breakfast

I say goodbye, Merlin sitting for his goodbye treat. His face all damp from the dewy grass

Because Stuart walks so fast I was back 30 minutes earlier than usual, so I decide, after my shower and cuppa tea, that I’d walk into town, catch the bus to the race course and go and see the bluebells.

Still not quite myself, I head out once more and meet Peter the duck man coming the opposite way having just fed the ducks. He was so animated and got out his ipad to show me the photos he’d just taken. Turns out more ducklings had arrived overnight to add to the 13 first born.

But when I reached the pond, all was silent, just Teresa having surfaced to soak up the morning sun

No ducklings in sight.

Rather sad and disappointed, I head out of the village towards town. A Robin singing high up on the telegraph wire, keeping me company

Then I spy one of the lambs in the field

….and yet another Robin, competing with the other to be heard

As I reached the Westwood, I zoomed into the Minster, a thin veil of hazy cloud in the distance

The park runners were just about finished and the last ones were just coming round the mill

Hopefully the town cows will be alllowed out after Easter. They’re always so bouncy when first set free with so much outside space to roam in…..

My aim had been to catch the York bus which passes by the Race course…..but as I reached the town, all I wanted to do was go home. As I came out of the snicket, I suddenly had an urge to buy cake from the lovely Vanessa’s tea room. Of late my sweet tooth seems to have re emerged. I lost it altogether for years, but suddenly it’s returned. It all started with the Bettys treats. I walked in, aimlessly wandering around, not having been in their for at least a couple of years and bought 3 cakes, one for each day of the long weekend – such a strange thing for me to do……

As I reached the bus station, I toyed with the idea of the bluebell wood trying to convince myself how lovely it would be, but dementia didn’t agree. I climbed onto the village bus instead, both arriving at the same time. The bluebells can be another day.

As we reached the village I decided to get off at the pond. To my delight, the ducklings were in view. I counted 15 in this brood! But couldn’t get them all in the photo as mum and dad paraded them proudly round the pond

As I ambled along, the first 13 came into view; mums done a good job protecting them all from predators

THEN I saw another brood in the reeds. I couldn’t tell how many there were but the reeds seems to be alive with their little wriggling bodies

And to top it all, the Moorhen chicks were all by Teresa and Terence, who’d now joined Teresa. I could only see one to begin with…..

and then the other chicks came into view and were busy preening themselves, copying their mum

I felt blessed that this Easter the weekend, the pond had become awash with life and suddenly the edge was taken off my dementia haze……such simple things yet bring so much pleasure…..after all, I’d rather be outside with nature than inside alone with dementia….

Going to watch Sarah outdoor swimming…….

The day after going out with Pip, when the weather was sunny but with a very cold wind, I’d only just got in from my sunrise walk when my daughter Sarah txt me to ask if I wanted to go with her while she had an outdoor swim. Luckily I’d managed to have my shower and my first cuppa of the day when she arrived….it wasn’t even 9am so she expected the water on the lake to be chilly….it had been a lovely sunrise…not a stunning one, but a cold crisp gentle rise…

….and the sun was now shining but the wind was bitterly cold. I was rather glad I’d be watching and not heading in…🤣..I think it’s called 5 Lakes where we go. This particular one is very popular for scuba diving as the water is crystal clear and they’ve sunk wrecks at the bottom for them to practice in…but it’s also for swimmers and today 2 other swimmers came just after us that Sarah had seen there before.

While Sarah was getting ready, I pottered around snapping away

There were some huge fish – well, huge to me, they certainly weren’t tiddlers – near the waters edge

Once Sarah had become acclimatised she managed a smile for the camera before heading across to the other side of the lake

I had one eye on Sarah and the other on the fish, not knowing which way to turn 🤣

Scuba divers were also just about to enter the water

I was fascinated by the fish as it’s not usual for me to have fish in my camera lens..🤣

There were so many swimming in and out of the reeds..silently most of the time, then splashing in the water as two had a barnie…

The whole lake was so silent, yet there was so much going on but unless you looked, you’d miss it all

I got so caught up with the fish that when I next looked for Sarah, I couldn’t see her with the naked eye so I zoomed in😳….and suddenly she waved and I could breathe again …

She began to swim back to shore

I wonder if I’d have had a go at that 🤔 It’s suppose to do wonders for your body but also your mental health..our friend Google says…

Lake swimming offers an exhilarating feeling of freedom, while being incredibly soothing and relaxing. Weightlessness in water can have a calming effect on the mind, improving mindfulness, and decreasing anxiety and depression. It releases endorphins, the body’s natural happy chemicals.”

And Sarah said it had that effect the first time she ever did it and countless other friends have as well…..

Sarah always takes the water temperature once she’s finished. However it’s always near the edge, so it’ll be cooler the further out you go 🥶…

As we were leaving, more scuba divers were heading in and it’s really weird, because once they’re in, they’re under the water of course, and it looks like the lake is empty, when in fact, it’s a hive of activity…..

As we were heading home, we turned a corner and I saw some adorable lambs, pleading with Sarah to stop just for a minute, like a child suddenly seeing a sweet shop 🤪

She manoeuvred the car onto the grass by the gate; I got out and after a few seconds of just looking, I stood snapping…

Playing peek-a-boo behind mum…

Some mums had just one, others up to 4 😳

I could have stood and watch them all day long but after a few more clicks

……We headed back home and I was thankful that my second cuppa tea was waiting for me…..

The sad loss of a dearly loved playmate…..

Last Thursday 14th April at 10.05am I suddenly had the urge to go to York, not for anything in particular, especially after my last visit. The bus left Beverley at 11.17 and it takes me an hour to walk there 😳. I quickly gathered my things, not watching my clock as I thought, if I get there in time I’ll go and if not there’s only 30 mins to wait for the village bus home.

I felt as though I was on a mission and didn’t know why. I don’t think I’ve ever walked so fast but I made it somehow, with 10 minutes to spare 🥵…on the way I day dreamed I was at a funeral, that of my dear playmate Elaine who’s been very poorly of late. Elaine and hubby Eric havn’t been to the last 2 meetings of Minds and Voices and it was strange without her. In the 7 years we’ve been going, I really think they havn’t missed one or if they have, they’ve been few and far between….

Always together..

The bus pulled into York at 12.35, so I had 30 minutes before it went back again. I knew I didn’t want to stay as there were hordes of tourists and noise but also, I had no reason for being there….or so I thought…..I just went to Bettys, got Gemma and Stuart the same treat I got myself a week or so ago. They hadn’t wanted Easter eggs, or rather, they’d already bought themselves one 🤣, so this could be their Easter present.

I caught the bus home at 13.05….

At 13.32, Damian emailed me to say:

Elaine died last night. What a huge impact and what deep tracks she has left – the mouse that roared.”

😢 I couldn’t bring myself to reply at the time. In my mind I’d just been to her funeral and my head was buzzing, trying to work out reality. I decided that all my decisions and thoughts that morning about going to York had happened because Elaine wanted to tell me herself. It was her spirits way of letting me know personally 😢 I felt hugely privileged.

Isn’t it strange how life goes on as normal even when a special playmate dies…😢 It seems wrong that normality continues when the breathe of someone so lovely has stopped…..The bus kept moving, people got on and off and I eventually got home ….just as normal…but……..

You can read about me meeting, the quiet mouse that was Elaine for the first time all those years ago in my first book, Somebody I used to know p134. She always said Minds and Voices changed her life. Well little did she realise, that she impacted on my life too. We always said that since she found her voice, we havn’t been able to shut her up 😂 and her words can still be heard thanks to her recordings for Dementia Diaries

https://dementiadiaries.org/entry/7893/after-two-year-elaine-finally-has-a-bird-using-her-nesting-box

Elaine often said she’d love to go with me when I do my wacky adventures to raise funds..so in June, when I will hopefully be doing my sky dive, I’ll take a photo of my lovely dear playmate with me and for once she’ll be able to fly the skies next to me…

Elaine loved Elvis….so I’ve chosen this song to play her out….

The fog outside and confusion in my head…..

Since the clocks went forward I’ve been so discombobulated…before they changed I knew the time to go out to see the sunrise, to see the deer and me and nature were as one. I knew the time by how light it was, how long I’d been walking…Now I just feel lost….

Couple this with a haze in my head and the day was doubly confusing….

One such day was last week and I wrote this on the actual day…

I was due to run a Recovery college session with my partner in ‘winging it’ Cathryn Hart. We always have a plan but we have to wing it according to the audience that join us and we never know who that might be until they introduce themselves.

This particular day, I hadn’t woken with a misbehaving head, but I had woken to fog outside as I pulled the curtains back. It was 06.30 and that means nothing to me at the moment – has the sun risen? I havn’t a clue any more, but I decide to go out anyway as we were due to start at 10.30 so plenty of time for a walk.

As I started to put my coat on I must have knocked something – “I’ve been looking for that”…it was a black zipped up round container and inside was my camera ball! I’d looked everywhere for that since my playmate Gail had started posting photos using hers. It had been there all the time and I hadn’t seen it because it was black – such a bad colour for me as it just looked like a gap, a hole…🙄

I slipped the heavy ball into my coat pocket and headed out into the misty morning. The duck pond was my first port of call as it always looks so peaceful there with a mist shrouding the water. Balancing the ball on the shelter window frame…

…It was certainly misty this morning but my 4 new friends followed me from one end of the pond to the other

The other ducks know I never feed them at this time and ignored me, knowing Simon would be there soon with his bucket of breakfast food….

Up through the houses towards the back lane,

….. I was trying to think where to go and decided on Folly lake….this lack of ‘time’ really throwing me ….and I don’t mean, not having enough time, I refer to the lack of knowing what the time is for nature…

Through the gallops, the horses were just being let out of the stables. The paddocks were empty

I still had no idea of time…I hadn’t seen Merlin and Stuart since the clocks changed so I was getting something wrong…I walked along Risby Lane, hoping my furry friend would run up to greet me, but all remained silent….no furry friend once more as I reached the end of the lane

I’ll have to ask Stuart what time he leaves the house now, that may help 🙄…I walked along the single track road just aimlessly, I usually have a purpose, a time to see something…now I’m just lost and simply walk for walking sake…😔

As I reach the lake, just one solitary fisherman is in sight – he must have been there all night and it sounded like he was asleep in his tent; the gentle snoring mingling with the birds…hopefully the sound of a catch would be enough to wake him…

It was certainly a tad foggier here in the dip of the lake

I headed back up the slope and a pheasant was hunting for food on the damp dewy grass…

I came to an old log by the roadside. It’s been there since I can remember but it always attracts my attention. I always touch its rough bark. I suddenly remembered the ball in my pocket and placed it in the crevice

It was at this point I could feel my legs slowing down, my head starting to feel hazy. I looked up and thank goodness I still recognised my surroundings. I hadn’t become disorientated but as the fog outside was starting to thin the haze in my head was slowly thickening….

I felt as though I was in a daze, my body and legs trying not to rely on my brain for instruction and working automatically. I felt the ball in my pocket once more, this time the placement was more precise, my eyes lingering on it for movement for much longer than needed…

It felt like I was walking through sticky glue, each step an effort, the energy starting to drain from me. How I got home, I’m not quite sure, but I did….thankfully…..

The session was hard work but even so, very enjoyable. We had a full house and a very varied audience – carers, an audiologist, mental health nurse, education person and others. I’d already told Cathryn it wasn’t a good day, but knew she’d fill in the gaps if I faltered or stopped altogether. It was actually good for me to have done it – to work through with the haze instead of the haze taking over altogether. But I was exhausted when we finished…..

After my porridge, the weather had brightened, sadly not my head, but I decided on another walk. There’s nothing worse than being stuck inside alone when dementia is in control…

No sunshine, but the pond was clear to see this time. The bright green shoots of the willow standing out on the island. Dots of luminous yellow in the distance, the joyful chatter and screams of school children enjoying the pond. Teresa already on the log and Terence just surfacing.

The water so still, a double Terence in view

Our new ducks skimming the water for food in their comical way

For a moment, as my eyes lingered on the joy in front of me, I’d forgotten the haze, but as soon as I moved on, I was conscious once more, of dementia gripping tight to my head..

As I reached the churchyard, a Robin was quietly perched on a headstone

I placed the ball on the top of one in front of the church clock

A squirrel looked up, having found something tasty to eat

As I aimlessly walked around looking for resting places for my ball

It’s only by looking at my photos that I can tell you the rest of my walk. I must have gone up the Mirage Lane and stopped at the top wood where all the daffodils are in full bloom

And a rabbit sat contemplating in the hedgerow

After that, I must have headed home I guess….not many photos to give me a clue…..apart from the last one….a Robin in full song who knows where…

Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day….

Teetering on the edge…which way shall I fall…

It’s the day after Minds and Voices and the storm on Twitter as I’m writing this. I’ve woken instantly knowing my head is fuzzy and all over the place. I have a live TV interview for an Irish station at 08.15 but the thought of cancelling doesn’t come to mind. I shower and make a cuppa tea, but am late up, so no real time for my morning routine of games to try and kick start my brain into action. I tentatively try solitaire….but find myself staring at the screen trying to work out what card I need to find.

I must have done the interview on autopilot. I remember just one comment…

“ you look like you’re having a good day”

…the interviewer said…

I remember nothing more, just that comment hanging around in my head. I imagine I had a smile on my face, as when I see people, I’m happy and smile, so maybe that turning of the mouth had masked the turmoil going on in my head. My words would have escaped my mouth automatically as I can’t imagine the interviewer asking me something I hadn’t been asked a thousand times before. The same sentences leaving my lips in response.

This amazing drawing is by my playmate Gail Gregory who has only found her talent for art since being diagnosed.

I decide to go for a walk, that’s where I’m at my calmest, my most content place; me, my camera and the outside world. Inside, dementia is everywhere. Outside is where I have this image of dementia being diluted by the vast outdoors. I’d tried my games once more, just briefly, but had to pass on each one. My head is full to bursting point, no pressure valve available to release the pressure. No space or room left to think thoughts, to take in more.

It was windy, but the wind on my face makes me feel alive. It feels comforting, the wind wrapping itself around me and taking me by the hand.

Then I become absorbed in the task of taking a photo. Blue tits are flitting around high in the tree. I watch their movement, my gaze not quick enough to follow their track until one lands

I find myself in the Mirage lane, I’ve stopped and watch the green finches flying from branch to branch. My camera poised, a few clicks with nothing more than twigs on the photo, then they stay still long enough for a single click to work

I look up, someone coming towards me, dark angry sky following them. 

Best turn round and head home Wendy, heavy rain coming”

I must have smiled, as I do, and instead of carrying on regardless, I click the angry sky..

…..turn, and head home doing as he suggested. 

Once inside, I glance at my calendar – another TV interview at 3pm. I look at the clock, 11am, open my ipad and go through all my games, struggling each time. 

I close my ipad, and snuggle down under the duvet, hoping above hope, that when I wake, my hazy head will have disappeared…… For a moment I felt on the edge – my body swaying, which way would it tip and fall. Voices seeming detached and far off in a distant world. Is this what it’s like when the edge comes ever closer. Today I tipped back into reality, one day, who knows when, a bad day may become a normal day……

Buy my book direct…..

An extra sneeky blog in your inbox today….🤣

Someone asked me via my blog if they could buy a copy of my book. It got me thinking, that of course I could sell signed copies to anyone wishing to buy one. I can only sign Wendyx though.

I took my book wrapped to the village post office this morning and they kindly weighed it and told me the postage – they even wrote it down for me :

First class – £2.39 and second class – £1.99

So if anyone would like to buy a signed copy direct from me it would cost £12.99 plus whichever postage you chose. It would have to be UK only sadly. Anyone interested should email me:

wendy7713@icloud.com

I’ll accept bank transfer or cheque as methods of payment but we can sort that out should anyone email me…

The other great news today, is that my book is still in the Sunday Times best seller list for the third week running! This week at No 6 so very happy. I never quite believe it until I see it in print…

An update on my wrist……..

I had an appointment to see both my Gp and the physio, one after the other so it was an early rise on Monday as my taxi was due at 08.45. However when I looked out of the window, I could see the hint of a beautiful sunrise developing…..

….could I get a wiggle on and have a quick trundle to see the sunrise? Yes I could!

I made my flask of tea ready for when I got back, showered and ignored all my routine and put my coat on….yes I know I’ll pay for it later, but ……..

I quickly shuffled into my coat, boots hat and gloves and stumbled out of the house. I had an hour before the taxi, so a quick walk was all I had time for….

As I reached the corner, the hint of pink was just visible

Up through the snicket towards the church and it was still there glowing in the distance…..

I headed towards the playing fields, Albert the Labrador passed me by so I knew his owner would be following…”It’s gonna be a lovely sunrise”, he said as he made his way home…

Once at the playing fields I could slow down, breathe in and catch my breathe

I trundled at a slower pace along the dirt track, a tad muddy from the previous days rainfall, but I hardly noticed as my focus was on the rising sun……the puddle that’s always in the field, unless the summer was frozen. It was until then, that I realised how cold it was and noticed the patches of frost on the ground……but my eyes and my camera lens was drawn to the view

I could see the circle of the sun rising through the trees

I walked along further than I normally go, through the field, keeping to the side of the crops for a better view.

Got to a clearing and the view was simply beautiful 

Soon the golden ball erupted into full view

I suddenly came out of my sunrise world and realised I needed to hurry back….every now and then looking behind me 

Then at the playground it was the perfect position for one last photo. I told myself not to look back any more or I’d be late 🙄

Once home, pleased that I’d been out, I still had 15 minutes to have a cuppa and sort my head out. Luckily I’d got everything ready the night before and that waited for me by the door. I always take a notebook for them both to write in the outcome of my visit, so that was in my pocket….

The taxi was late 🙄…rush hour traffic I suppose….but I always start to panic and wonder what to do when they’re late 🙈…..it eventually drove up and we made the surgery with seconds to spare…..😳….

I needn’t have worried, my Gp is always running late. I tell myself it’s because she cares and makes sure her patients get the time they need. I’d lost a lot of weight over the last year, but nothing sinister going on, had all those checks. We decided it was because I was trundling so much 🤣….we discussed my diet again, she made suggestions, I pulled faces and we agreed I’d see her again in a few months. She also checked over my wrist and was amazed at the movement I already had 😇….We then chatted about my book, me asking if she’d read it yet, and if not why not 🤣……..she recommends my first book to all the students who attend the surgery ⭐️

……because she was late I was late for Helen the physio, but it didn’t matter, Dr Clarke messaged her and said I was ready and went in almost straight away.

Helen had bright pink lovely hair….must have my hair pink again 🤔…..the first thing she said was:

I have a favour to ask you first” I must have looked puzzled but then she opened a package and out appeared my new book!! Helen is good friends with my Gp and it’s her birthday soon, so as one of her presents, she got her my book and just wanted me to sign it! I laughed saying we’d only just been talking about it 🤣…..Helen is listening to my first book and will then have my new book with me reading it – result! 

We then went onto why I was really there, my wrist…my notebook was opened once more. She’d written questions for me to ask the Consultant at the hospital when I went for my check up. He’d been miffed at having to write the answers for me 🙄….To one question,

 “How often should I wear the splint?”, his response had been “As little as possible”

However, he’d actually thrown my splint in the bin, so the answer should really have been , “Never”….hey ho 🙄

More instructions for exercises were put in my book along with the next appointment. I’ve got arthritis in both my thumbs and because I’ve been over using my right hand, that one is quite bad now, so she’s going to give me a steroid injection in that one in a weeks time. Then the other one when it’s healed a tad more.

But all in all, everything is going ok with my wrist now and all I have left is the scar and some stiffness which I hope to improve on, so well pleased…..

Today, 7th February, was a special day anyway. It would have been Sylvias, my best friends birthday….😔…so in the afternoon, I went looking for a Robin and I wasn’t disappointed.

 As it looked at me I whispered, “Happy birthday Sylvia”

I’d always known that having someone in to help was going to be difficult….

As soon as my daughters suggested it, I knew I’d have to get used to the idea first…..when the girls were little I took on several cleaning jobs at once, because the hours would fit in with school. I could also take them during school holidays. Never once did I imagine back then that I’d need a cleaner, but apparently I do 🤣

Probably 2 or 3 months after the suggested was put to me, I finally agreed. What I hadn’t realised quite so much, was how difficult it would be.

This is only the second time my lovely cleaning fairy, Tina, has been. The first time, I hung around the house typing, while she was here. But I became so anxious at the sound of someone in my house downstairs, then coming upstairs, that I decided I’d go for a walk…..my camera would take my mind off it. I got back as she’d finished.

It was only a few days after her first visit that I suddenly realised I hadn’t used the downstairs loo…….Tina had closed the door so I’d forgotten it was there 😳 The house was lovely and clean, but I felt things had been moved and because I couldn’t remember what, it made it even more discombobulating….Tina had simply been ‘helpful’ by putting things into piles, or tidying things together. 

Do you remember that game, “what’s missing on the tray”

Well I felt like I was playing that as I pottered around the house. The first time she was here, I must have had a horror look on my face as my kitchen surface had been cleared and she was wiping it down 😳

It’s ok,” she said, “I’ll put everything back where I found it”

But of course, unless you take a photo, you’ll never know if you have.

I decided to suck it and see 🙄 after all, it was nice having a clean house again……As the days past I began to find other things….bottles, with child fastenings has been twisted and shut, so I couldn’t open them 🙈…such silly seeming things, but my daughter often has to unfasten them, then leave them loose….

I didn’t want to bombard her with things all at once, so the second time, I left the bottles out and asked if she could undo them for me and leave them loose….however, the second time, I’d forgotten she was called Tina. All I’d put on my calendar was ‘Tina 2.30’ 🤔….I spent days wondering who Tina was. I thought it must be a zoom and trawled through my emails, but no joy…it wasn’t until Gemma txt me reminding me she was coming that the penny suddenly dropped and the light bulb shone bright 😂

The second time I decided to potter in the garden while she was here. She’s here for 2 hours so I thought I could have a tidy up as it was the garden bin day the next day…it was so nice to be outside, revealing new growth from under the thick pile of leaves that lined my garden

Tiny shoots suddenly appearing, flowers that had been hidden…

After almost 2 hours, by chance I’d had enough and tidied everything away. I opened the back door and got the fright of my life as I’d forgotten Tina was even in the house. I don’t know who jumped most, me or Tina, seeing me startled 🤣

We chatted a few minutes and she told me she’d written “Cleaner 2.30’ on my calendar for her next visit, which was so thoughtful….but I wonder what hide and seek game I’ll play until then…….

Who would have thought, such an innocent addition to my routine, would cause such a problem…..🙄….I’m sure we’ll find a way to make it work…..

A foggy trundle to match my foggy head….. 

It’s been such a crazily busy month that it was inevitable that good days would be followed by bad days…and I’ve had so many hazy days of late because of it, but sometimes you have to put up with the bad to allow the good to happen….I even published 2 blogs on Friday when one was meant for yesterday 🙄

It may sound strange but on foggy days in my head, I feel quite at one with the weather if it’s foggy too and feel as though nature has tuned itself into me as I walk through the haze.

It was on one such day last week that I wrote this blog…..

I woke with the familiar tell tale signs; the hazy feeling, the emptiness. I asked Alexa the day and time and she thankfully filled in the detail of the day. Luckily she told me it was a Saturday, so no interviews, no zooms, I was free to be in my silent haze. 

As I opened the curtain I smiled, it was as if nature had come along to join me as there was a thick veil of fog over the village. I could only see a short distance just the same as in my head….

After a while I realised I needed to join nature, be in the fog with the fog in my head. I must have forgotten to put on my head, as I soon realised my head was cold and pulled up my hood on my coat. I had my camera round my neck but fully expected not to see anything today.

I hadn’t got very far, just to the cow field when something caught my eye. A couple approached and distracted my attention, saying hello, me returning the greeting, then I caught sight of it again. Up high on the top most branch looking down….I thought it might just be a pigeon, but as I zoomed in, its beauty was revealed…..a Kestrel

It too felt comfortable out in the open with this veil of fog making it unseen to the smaller life below. I stood clicking away

Enjoying that single moment with nothing else in my head to disturb the peace…..

What a start…I crossed the road and felt as though the Kestrel had come out for me today, for me to see through the haze and capture its beauty….

I trundled aimlessly, my legs taking me where they fancied walking. Along the farm wall, tiny beads of dew clung to the grass growing through the gaps in the mortar

A saw a flash of a tiny bird coming to land on a branch, I zoomed in once more, a blue tit

As I reached the corner house, the one with many bird feeders, I slowed my steps so as not to surprise them…or was it my legs simply stopped….? The birds seemed less fearful, less willing to take flight and hung around for me, almost knowing my snapping finger was slower today

And then the calmest of them all, my friend the Robin, making me smile as if to say, “It’ll be alright, we’re here’

And knowing they were there brought me calmness. Even though it was foggy both in my head and for real, that routine of the birds appearing made everything ok.

I left them to their breakfast and my legs took me further along. I walk totally oblivious to where I am or where I’m going, trusting in my inner instinct …

Everything very silent, very still, sounds of cars not being seen, voices of unknown people, shadows in the distance…

A familiar street comes into view….I’m home once more

And as I sit on my bed, a warming cuppa tea in my hand, I stare out of the window and can see the fog lifting….unlike the haze in my head….

When the weather is foggy it feels like a different world, where bits of it are missing and you have to rely on your memory to fathom out what’s ahead…….well for me that’s my world, except my memory doesn’t always remember and I just have to be happy with the bit I can see and not think ‘what’s ahead’?………