Seems fitting to post this again today on the day our Queen is buried. For those that know me well, you’ll know of my love of Robins and the power they hold to tell you those that have died are ok. Well, the day after the queen died, I went outside for a walk as I felt so overwhelmed with unexpected grief. I hadn’t seen any Robins for weeks as the drought had taken them all west where the rain was. But that particular day, as I trundled up by the church, imagine my surprise. A Robin, high up in the tree but clearly in view singing it’s heart out…..😍…the first I’d seen for ages…coincidence? ..maybe…..but it brought me comfort..
My playmate Dory, one of 4 Amigos posted this on her Facebook page and I thought it so beautiful that I would share it today of all days as an era has come to an end. Sadly I don’t know who wrote it to give them the credit. But we mustn’t forget, even though she was the Queen, she was also a mum, a granny and a great granny and now she’ll finally be reunited with her adored hubby, Philip…
Phillip came to me today, and said it was time to go. I looked at him and smiled, as i whispered that “I know”.
I then turned and looked behind me, and seen I was asleep. All my Family were around me, and I could hear them weep.
I gently touched each shoulder, with Phillip by my side. Then I turned away and walked, with My Angel guide.
Phillip held my hand, as he lead the way, to a world where King’s and Queens, are Monarch’s every day.
I was given a crown to wear or a Halo known by some. The difference is up here, they are worn by everyone.
I felt a sense of peace, my reign had seen its end. 70 years I had served my Country, as the peoples friend.
Thank you for the years, for all your time and love. Now I am one of two again, in our Palace up above.
The artist who drew these amazing, touching drawing, Eleanor Tomlinson, is a local girl and we’re all so proud of what she’s achieved with her very special talent…
When my daily poem friend sent me this one, it immediately brought back memories of my own dad, who used to sit in his rocker chair in the corner of the room…..😍
As for the song…well nothing to do with armchairs, but this singer was a favourite of my mum and dads and I’ve got this image in my head of him sitting in a rocking chair on his television programme….goodness knows if that’s correct 🤣
I’m not sure how it came about, but while I was in Keswick recently, my daughter Sarah went to the North Cave Wetlands, somewhere we’ve been many times. People had often raved about it and although I thought I loved it there, I had failed to see the specialness that others spoke about. Well that day Sarah found the specialness and promised to take me…
So one Saturday off we set at 09.30.
Sarah had found the hidden path that everyone else seemed to know about. There a little van selling teas etc right at the beginning and they laughed when she told them we’d only ever gone clockwise part way. That’s all we thought there was! How wrong we’d been…
We started off where we always start off, at the undercover canopy looking over the large lake. The birds are quite far away and without my zoom I couldn’t tell what was out there. But this cormorant was stretching out its wings in the morning sun amongst all the geese.
In fact it was nearly all geese and the odd cormorant so nothing really special. I couldn’t even imagine where we were going to go. But instead of turning right and going passed the tea van, we turned left and headed up a concealed lane – why hadn’t we seen this before!?
After a while we came to a T junction in the path, no sign, no indication as to where each led – but we also found out there were maps at the tea van that we’d never seen before; probably because we weren’t looking for them. But Sarah knew from the week’s before experience, that going left took you to the most wonderful bird hide.
As we climbed the steps it was like entering another world…and my photo only shows the view from one window….we were surrounded by water…
I’d never seen so many birds and I didn’t know where to look first! The pure white Egret stood out amongst the crowd, it’s mirror reflection showing how calm the waters were.
But then zooming into the smaller birds, lapwings came into view. First off, just the odd one
Then as a scanned around the edge of the island more appeared. I love their little quiff 🥰..and a cormorant just sitting, relaxing next to them
A cormorant came into land to see its friend but the others never moved in fear or fright.
I heard someone else coming up the steps and a man appeared. After our greetings he settled down, scanning the scene with his binoculars. Sarah asked him about a rare bird that had been spotted here and he knew immediately which she meant. It had been here for 3 weeks but flown off on Wednesday. After that our conversation continued. He came here every single day to see what was around. How amazing would that be, to see the birds come and go through the seasons. We asked him about the water level being very low and he told us how the rangers had purposely lowered the depth so the waders would appear. Our lesson then began….he gently and patiently directed our eyes and birds came into view I’d never seen before. Beautiful colourings and long beaks
A spotted Redshank.
Sarah must have seen me trying hard to memorise as she suddenly said
“Don’t worry mum, I’m making notes” 🥰
I relaxed into my lesson and as I waited for him to find something new, I smiled at these two Heron who looked like a couple who had had a barney 😂 so comical..
As soon as he began to speak I followed his instructions once more and this time came upon another beauty. It’s pure white underbelly its giveaway – apparently
A Green SandPiper
Another instruction to look right of the post and there stood another new bird, innocently unaware of our presence
Black Tailed Godwits
And the final lesson, a male Ruff with it’s long and elegant neck….
A Ruff
A little boy and his dad then arrived and the man proceeded to share his passion with the little boy and I just scanned in amazement at the view before me. I’d never seen so many Herons in one place before. I usually just have the odd one to admire and here were different varieties…or were they just different sexes? 🤔 but whichever, they still made for lovely photos and some obliged by flying around too
I continually went back to the pure white Egret and its black pencil thin legs
And I think one of the grumpy two Herons was trying to make amends at this stage 🤣
Then the Egret took flight and what amazing wingspan they have 😳
…and it settled even closer
…as did one of the grumpy Herons when I wasn’t looking 🤣
I sat here in my own world, this amazing world before me, aware of the buzz of conversation in the background and occasionally sharing words of amazement with Sarah. But mainly I just sat, zooming in and out with my camera. Occasionally me and Sarah swapped and I had her binoculars while she peered through my lens. I could only look through one lens of the binoculars as I was totally confused by two 🤣
Four cormorants suddenly came into view preening themselves, sharing the land amiably with the ducks, geese and lapwings.
No arguing over who was here first; enough room for everyone. What lessons we could learn if only we watched and absorbed what we saw when viewing nature
And so to my final photo. One of simple beauty as if a painting lay before me of the graceful, silent Heron taking flight without even a ripple of water being disturbed and the Egret left alone in the water
Such memorable moments here, made even better by the man who shared his passion and knowledge so freely with us.
After yesterday’s discombobulated day I was hoping for something better. I looked back at my blog and was surprised to see how much I’d done considering most of it, if not all, was done on automatic. I remember doing so little but my photos tell me a different story 😳
Anyway, the following morning, after quite a wakeful night 🙄, I decided a short walk was in order to test the lie of my body and brain. A few days rain had been forecast so I didn’t want to waste a dry early morning. The sky was clear as I stepped outside and all was peaceful and quiet
I’d been meaning to say. Throughout all the summer I’d heard and seen less and less birds in the village. I’ve now put this down to the drought and lack of natural watering ground for them. I’m sure they all flew west to where the rain was a normal summer’s fall. Well since we’ve had rain once more, so it seems the birds are returning. This morning their song was more noticeable than of late. Once again I could see them chasing each other through the hedges. Thank goodness they decided to return 🥰
I decided to go to the far end of the village first. Don’t think I’ve been here in a morning for ages. I trundled by the playing fields, along the narrow track to the open field at the bottom
I looked at my watch and realised I was too early for the sunrise, so retraced my steps, briefly veering off to see the view from the next field along. The sky was a picture
I headed along the back lane and turned into the gallops. A heavy low mist hovered over the field
The horses were just waking and looking for breakfast
As I turned the corner, still no sign of the sun rising, but such a glorious calm view lay in front of me
As I stood simply looking, breathing calmly and content, I realised it was the low cloud preventing me from seeing the main event as in that moment the sun broke through
The colours so rich and fiery as it rose..
Thank goodness I’d lingered those few minutes extra…..😍
Out of the gate and up the now less dusty track, I decided just to trundle to the last farm and then turn and head home. In the fields ahead I could see the mist lying low.
The morning sun now brighter and peering between the trees
As I turned at the farm a thought crossed my mind – If I’m heading back early, I wonder if I could catch an early bus to York. I’d love to see Milenium Bridge again. It used to be a regular haunt of mine on my runs; up one side of the flowing river, across Milenium Bridge and back down the other side. Such a lovely run.
One last photo of the morning sky
….before heading home to look at the time of the buses.
My head didn’t feel clear but it felt clearer than the day before. A ride on the bus and a walk by the river sounded manageable. It was then, after my shower and whilst sitting having my first cuppa, that I realised I needed to leave in 15 minutes if I was to walk into town and get the bus 😳….I tend to get in a pickle if I’m rushed so I purposely didn’t look at the clock as I packed my haversack, sorted myself out and headed out.
The pond lay still and quiet as I trundled across the wooden path
The ducks must all be waiting for Steve on the grass. He must be late with their breakfast this morning 😂
I tried not to get too distracted with photos, the sun having disappeared behind the clouds, as I knew I only had an hour to get into town. But every now and then a view stopped me in my tracks to click
I made it into town with 5 minutes to spare 🥵 and my bus journey began. It was only as the journey progressed and more and more people got on that the thought crossed my mind that it might not have been such a brilliant idea. I overheard a mum and her children talking about going back to school next week. So I’d decided to go the final weekend of the school holidays 🙈
As soon as I got there I wanted to go back home but I convinced myself it would be quieter down by the river. I walked through the crowds, focusing on my feet and headed down the bridge steps. Once I’d gone by the famous pubs, all the outside tables being laid out for the day ahead, I had my peace. It’s so many years since my feet ran this route that I wondered if I’d recognise landmarks….
Long tree lined paths lay ahead, split into two, one for walkers, one for cyclists. An image came in my head of me cycling along these paths….🤔…..
Under another bridge and the moored house boats appeared – I remember them! I’m sure they must be the same ones as years ago!
Then the biggest and loveliest surprise of all….the blue bridge. No special beauty apart from it being blue; no masterpiece in design. I really remember this lovely blue bridge
Then a strange sight coming along the river…
I couldn’t make out what it was until I zoomed in. Another blast from the past. The ice cream boat…must be heading for its mooring for the tourists to sample its delights. Lovely that it’s still going🥰
Then through the trees I caught sight of the Milenium Bridge. I quickened my step as if it might disappear if I didn’t and minutes later I was stood on my favourite bridge from the past. No special beauty…
But every Sunday, on a fine sunny day, this bridge would be full of people sitting, chatting and having picnics. The left side of the bridge has a wooden plinth all the way along, just right for sitting on.
I used to bring a small flask here and sit, along with everyone else and watch the world go by. There’d be days where I’d run over it, turn left and head up to Bishops Palace, returning the same way. I closed my eyes and could hear the laughter, old friends meeting up, new friends being made. As I was stood in the middle of my dreams, a cyclist passed me by….I’m sure I remember cycling along here on my pink bike, although that memory is more hazy.
I stood looking at the view up and down the river
…and I felt transported back in time, long before dementia came into my life. Such a lovely time in my life. Living in York was like being on holiday and never going home – that’s how much I loved it.
I woke from my dreams and realised I needed to head back. I felt a sudden urge to be home again. An urge I so frequently get when I’m out in a different place. I looked at the path on the other side of the river and sudddenly I wasn’t sure of myself. I wasn’t convinced I’d find my way back, even though it was only the other side of the river. No logic to my thoughts, just doubts. I headed back the same side; felt more comfortable that way. The tree lined paths…..
The blue bridge ahead….
….then once more back in the crowded streets.
I headed back to the bus stop, not knowing how long I’d have to wait. But there it would be quieter and I’d feel safe once more……
I’m glad I got to visit the Milenium bridge one more time…….
I’d woken not quite feeling right but automatically got dressed, slipped into my shoes and headed out. It was the day after yesterdays blog and I must have somehow thought that I’d better keep to a familiar route. I pictured in my head, the clockwise route to Folly Lake and back.
I hadn’t a clue what the weather was suppose to do as I stood on the corner of my street
I could feel it was going to be a difficult walk, but they’d said rain was due over the next few days, so heading back home never entered my head. I tried to work out what was wrong and I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a good dementia day but also, I was exhausted from the day before. I had a zoom late on in the afternoon; a brilliant zoom where I met a doctor in the US with Anna for my new book. But it had been an intense couple of hours that I didn’t want to end as she was so wonderful and knowledgeable. I tried desperately to hold onto each of her words but I felt them slip out of my head one by one. Zooms can be exhausting at the best of times, this one was particularly so but for good reasons. So my brain was protesting this morning and my body was exhausted – not a good combination, but still I kept going.
In the gallops I saw the flash of a barn owl, but my fingers wouldn’t work quick enough to focus and snap, but I was thankful for the sighting. I must have been early as the sun hadn’t started to rise as I reached the open field. A slight tinge on the horizon giving me the clue
There’s been fewer hares of late since the field was harvested, but I could see two pairs of ears sticking up in the distance
The horizon started to light up, heralding the main event
The view isn’t as good here as at the Westwood. Well, I shouldn’t say ‘not as good’ as it’s just different.
As I turned left for my clockwise circle, the sky proved me wrong
I began to feel as though I was wading through glue, my legs heavy, each step slower and shortened. More stopping than normal, breathing heavily
No deer in the fields as I stopped to look round and give myself a break. Just the orange morning sky and strip of higher cloud giving a more dramatic effect.
I fon’t remember much of walking through the back of the field. No photos to give me clues until I get to the other side and I stop once more to catch my breathe even though I was going at a snails pace 🙄
A little Jenny Wren came into view. I’ve seen and taken photos of so few birds lately that it was nice to see one sat there
I decided it would be best if I sat down. So I headed down to Folly Lake and heard lots of laughing and muffled voices
I wasn’t sure if they were real or dementia playing tricks on me until I saw the line of tents where I usually walk. Youngsters had had an overnight party from the looks of them. Fishing rods lay in the water….
…..but as I asked if they’d caught anything they were very sheepish with their ‘nothing’ reply 🤣. They were fine and chatty with me but I pitied the couple of real overnight fisherman at the other side as I doubt whether it was a peaceful time spent fishing….
I decided I wouldn’t sit as I was making them come back to life again and the noise was increasing. I slowly but surely made my way up the slope and back out onto the road.
At this point I think I must have gone back into my automatic daze as the next photo I have is of the haystack back onto the track that takes me back to the village
I stopped and and sighed, once again a wave of exhaustion sweeping through me. My feet glued to the dusty ground. My eyes glance around and a brown mound appears in the distance. I zoom in with my camera and let out a contented sigh…🥰 Mum and her two youngsters. The first family unit I’ve seen I think 🤔
At least I have a reason to stay glued to the spot.
It’s ages before they actually see or hear the click of my camera….mum first
I remain still and mum realises I’m no danger and carries on feeding off the left over seed
I’m in heaven watching the scene unfold before me. They’re so content in the open field
…..and know the deer will disappear. Sure enough mum must have heard them and started to set off for the nearby hedge, one youngster too engrossed in his breakfast
Mum stares towards the hill and starts to look defensive
The three close by the hedge now and mum stops to lick one of her young, before turning to the other and doing the same🥰
I start to move, as a warning sign to them really as I know the villagers will call out my name….my legs feeling stiff and ‘stuck’.
All three glance around, mum seeing me first
….and in a moment it’s as if they were never there, the field now empty. What a privilege, what a joy.
After greetings of good morning I headed back up the hill. Clicking randomly to try and make the climb easier as I really was struggling big time this morning.
One of the riders was out for an early morning canter and had just turned around to head away from me
How I reached the church I don’t know.
No more photos in between as I was probably concentrating so much on putting one foot in front of the other and as I finally reached home, I was sooo relieved but startled by the time….it had taken me an hour longer than usual, but then why does that surprise me. I knew if I didn’t head for the shower as normal I probably wouldn’t get one today, so instead of flaking out, I went onto automatic again, had a shower, then collapsed on my bed totally wiped out. And as I snuggle on my bed with my morning cuppa I just stare out of the window thankful I made it back home.
There was a definite autumnal chill in the air this particular morning. My breathe going before me as I trundle through the quiet village. It was just after 05.30 and I was heading for the Westwood..sunrise was due at 06.05 so plenty of time to get there….or so I thought…🙄
It felt like my legs needed to be told how to walk today. They were sluggish and stiff for some reason. I could see quite a bit of cloud in the distance even though overhead was clear so I wasn’t convinced the sun would make an appearance this morning.
It seemed to take me forever to get close to the Westwood and the next time I looked at my watch it was 06.03 😳…I tried to get a wiggle on but my legs were having none of it. Ankfully since last time, when the sun rose near the Minster, it had moved round further and just as I got to the cattle grid, I could see the rise just starting between the trees..
It was way further round than I though it would be, but reaching my favourite trees along this walk and there in the gap it was again
Dilemma then – do I stay and watch it here? Or do I chance my luck and hope to get to the golf club house path before the evnt is over? 🤔….I dithered for a second then walked on.
It was actually the cloud cover that delayed its rising as I got nearer and nearer
I finally reached the drive and thought I’d missed the main event
But the cloud started to break again and the sun began to appear
The bend in the road had made it seem further to the right 🙄….but with the Minster alongside, it was beautiful. As I crossed the road, to open up the view I began to smile at what was before me
Such a simple daily event, but never the same view. The clouds different, the colour. Always makes my heart calm and a smile appear on my face at the sight.
I zoom in to see the intensity of the blazing sky, the Minster silhouetted against it
I walk towards the Mill, every now and then turning to see what view I was missing
A man was out taking exactly the same photos as me, but with a tripod and stand. The same view but mine a random composition, whereas his would be planned and thought about..
I could never manage to carry a tripod as well so I’ll stick with random 🤣 One final turnaround before reaching the mill
It had rained overnight, some much needed rain and I was thankful of the timing as I don’t think it had been stopped for long before I set off for my walk. I must have missed the cows this morning as I couldn’t see them anywhere as I reached the Mill
My eyes eventually adjusted to the morning light and the next time I turned around the cows were ahead of me. I began to walk towards them, most of them lying down at that point. But then one obligingly stood up to meet me 😂
Then several of those behind me stood up as well and this one didn’t look very happy with me disturbing their peace 🫣
I’d never seen them over here in a morning and how lovely to have the Minster behind them
I couldn’t lie down for the photo I wanted as the ground was very wet and muddy where they’d been trampling but my camera got down far enough, I just clicked in the hope of a photo 😂
The cows weren’t impressed with me though and started to walk away. I apologised for disturbing them and told them they could sit down again, but they’d got the hump big time and wandered further along the pasture, leaving me alone with just the mill
Feeling overcome by tiredness I started my walk home, this time my shadow leading the way.
Back along the main road, the fields looked happier after the rain. It smelt different too, the dampness filling the air.
The just before crossing the traffic lights, these fields lay with their harvest still outside. The farmer must be kicking himself for not getting it in in time, especially after all the dry weather
All was quiet as I went by the pond
Mainly because Steve had just been out and put their food on the grass so they were all pecking away at the other end 😂
What’s not to love about a morning such as this……..
I don’t know quite how I did this but I obviously got in a pickle with the postage amount when I went to take some test parcels. Now I’ve come to post to the ones that asked over the weekend it turns out the postage is £3.35 NOT £5.35 🙈 That’s much better. Me and the lovely chap behind the counter think I must have either misread a 3 for a 5 or had three calendars in my test envelope 🙄
However, it does mean I have a HUGE APOLOGY to make to the people who kindly ordered and transferred money to me over the weekend as I’ve overcharged you by £2 😢 I will happily refund anyone but will also make sure any claimed goes into the charity pot.
I’ve now amended the details below 🙄 For anyone interested, someone asked me to find out cost to Germany today and it would be just shy of £10 and for Ireland, just shy of £9.
So sorry for the mistake
I didn’t know if it was appropriate to release this today. Since the Queen’s death my brain has been on overload thinking what’s right, what’s not right. In the end I came to the conclusion that actually, I don’t know, so I’ll keep to my plan. I was going to release it next Saturday but then that’s 2 days before the Queen’s funeral….so I hope today feels ok.
Yes, I know it’s only September but if I leave it too long you might have already bought one for next year! All the profit will be shared once more between my dementia support group, Minds and Voices and various groups.
All the monthly photos were taken in and around the village. The cover photo is the only one not taken in the village but just a mile down the road at the Westwood of our lovely Black Mill at sunrise.
I had to think long and hard whether to do another one as it’s a lot of work and needs masses of energy and concentration to co-ordinate everything 🥴, but I do get a thrill seeing my piccies on a calendar🥰, so that’s another reason for giving myself plenty of time.
It took me forever to decide which 12 photographs would make it. I wanted each one to have been taken in the month they represent making it even harder to pin down. Some months had a bumper choice, others just 2 or 3. I had several deer and hare photos to choose from and in the end had to put it out to public vote on Facebook and Twitter. However, they were no help at all as each one got a similar amount of votes 🙄🤣, but some reasons for choosing helped me pin down the winner in the end.
I wanted to make the photos different from last years. Some months I could have had the same kind of photo as last year, for example, the May blossom outside the church, but, although it did look spectacular again this year, it would have been too similar, so something different takes it place this year.
I’ve also put captions on each this time around as I realised last year that some people never see the birds or wildlife and want to know what they are.
My lovely village printer got to work and kindly delivered my boxes, even carrying them into the house and putting them where they were going to live – hopefully for not too long! He also made a wonderfully kind generous donation as well, which felt like the icing on the cake ☺️
Anyway….so how can you get hold of one?
Well, the price is the same as last year – £10 per calendar or 2 for £15, however, the postage has increased significantly 🙈 coming in at £3.35. It’s the same postage whether you buy one or two as the weight comes in the same price bracket.
I didn’t know if it was appropriate to release this today. Since the Queen’s death my brain has been on overload thinking what’s right, what’s not right. In the end I came to the conclusion that actually, I don’t know, so I’ll keep to my plan. I was going to release it next Saturday but then that’s 2 days before the Queen’s funeral….so I hope today feels ok.
Yes, I know it’s only September but if I leave it too long you might have already bought one for next year! All the profit will be shared once more between my dementia support group, Minds and Voices and various groups.
All the monthly photos were taken in and around the village. The cover photo is the only one not taken in the village but just a mile down the road at the Westwood of our lovely Black Mill at sunrise.
I had to think long and hard whether to do another one as it’s a lot of work and needs masses of energy and concentration to co-ordinate everything 🥴, but I do get a thrill seeing my piccies on a calendar🥰, so that’s another reason for giving myself plenty of time.
It took me forever to decide which 12 photographs would make it. I wanted each one to have been taken in the month they represent making it even harder to pin down. Some months had a bumper choice, others just 2 or 3. I had several deer and hare photos to choose from and in the end had to put it out to public vote on Facebook and Twitter. However, they were no help at all as each one got a similar amount of votes 🙄🤣, but some reasons for choosing helped me pin down the winner in the end.
I wanted to make the photos different from last years. Some months I could have had the same kind of photo as last year, for example, the May blossom outside the church, but, although it did look spectacular again this year, it would have been too similar, so something different takes it place this year.
I’ve also put captions on each this time around as I realised last year that some people never see the birds or wildlife and want to know what they are.
My lovely village printer got to work and kindly delivered my boxes, even carrying them into the house and putting them where they were going to live – hopefully for not too long! He also made a wonderfully kind generous donation as well, which felt like the icing on the cake ☺️
Anyway….so how can you get hold of one?
Well, the price is the same as last year – £10 per calendar or 2 for £15, however, the postage has increased significantly 🙈 coming in at £5.35. It’s the same postage whether you buy one or two as the weight comes in the same price bracket.
My playmate Dory, one of 4 Amigos posted this on her Facebook page and I thought it so beautiful that I would share it today of all days as an era has come to an end. Sadly I don’t know who wrote it to give them the credit. But we mustn’t forget, even though she was the Queen, she was also a mum, a granny and a great granny and now she’ll finally be reunited with her adored hubby, Philip…
Phillip came to me today, and said it was time to go. I looked at him and smiled, as i whispered that “I know”.
I then turned and looked behind me, and seen I was asleep. All my Family were around me, and I could hear them weep.
I gently touched each shoulder, with Phillip by my side. Then I turned away and walked, with My Angel guide.
Phillip held my hand, as he lead the way, to a world where King’s and Queens, are Monarch’s every day.
I was given a crown to wear or a Halo known by some. The difference is up here, they are worn by everyone.
I felt a sense of peace, my reign had seen its end. 70 years I had served my Country, as the peoples friend.
Thank you for the years, for all your time and love. Now I am one of two again, in our Palace up above.
I’m not exactly a snail but I’m certainly a tortoise ..
……….compared to the hare I used to be. 🙄
But I’ve noticed recently how everyone overtakes me; how everyone has to slow down to keep at my pace – when did that happen 😳?
I think I’m going at the same speed as I always have, especially as I normally walk alone.
I suppose the first time I noticed I was going slower was the last time I drove a car. My lovely silver Suzuki Swift. I thought I was driving at a normal speed until I saw all the cars queueing up behind me, lights flashing, horns blowing. I THOUGHT I was going at normal speed when in fact my brain was slowing down the process of driving, having to concentrate on each manoeuvre step by step. It felt like I was driving normally, but it was simply my brain deceiving me. Because it was taking longer to process, I automatically slowed down. The last time I drove a car was almost 8 years ago.
Walking slower has happened more recently. Probably in the last 2-3 years, I’ve become progressively wobblier and slower. But once again, when I’m alone, I’m walking at my old speed in my head.
It’s only when I’m with other people I know that I realise I’ve slowed down. I used to out stride both my daughters and Stuart. Sarah would often tell me to slow down and that isn’t long ago. Now I can feel her slowing down for me. I often meet my son in law out with Merlin early in a morning. Stuart used to make fun of me walking so fast. Now I desperately try and keep up with him but I’m huffin and puffin and sometimes even tell him to go on ahead without me.
It must only be a couple of years ago that the village bus used to run every hour. Forty five – fifty minutes used to be plenty of time for me to do my shopping and have enough time to spare to be sat at the bus stop chatting with other villagers. Now the bus runs every 90 minutes. If I’m not clock watching I run out of time and end up getting a wiggle on so as not to miss the bus.
So what’s changed? Yes I’ve got older, but I’m relatively fit and used to walking. No, it’s nothing to do with that. Just as with driving, it’s my dementia that’s slowed everything down, mentally AND physically. When you live alone it’s harder to notice as you’ve got no comparison. But when I’m with other people, it’s abundantly clear to me, if I stop and think about it, how my brain simply takes longer to think and do everything. The only thing not affected – and once again, I have nothing or no one to compare with, – but I thankfully can still type words far quicker than I can think and speak them because that part of my brain hasn’t been affected …yet.let’s hope it never is. Perhaps that why typing means so much to me; because it gives me an inkling of normality.
Do I worry? No, not really. It’s just annoyingly frustrating.
So PLEEEEASE remember that if you’re with someone with dementia. It might not be everyone, but certainly a lot of us need more time to think, speak and do…..allow for that if your loved one has dementia. If you find it frustrating, just think how we feel……
Which me am I today? 