I no longer remember ‘normal’ as it once was…….

Strange isn’t it….I’m not even sure how long we’ve been in lockdown but it’s turned into ‘normal’. I’ve wracked my brain for when I last went on the village bus, last went on a train, last met up and gave my nurse daughter a hug…and I simply don’t remember………this strange ‘normal’ having become my new normal…..

At the beginning of all this I was in a flap about ‘the end’ – what abilities I might have lost. Well that fear is still there, but in a strange way, the detail is slowly disappearing. I fear not being able to travel on my own once we’re back to ‘normal’ but I can’t remember what else I feared, which is rather nice and calming. Of course, it will all reappear with a vengeance when I come across each activity one by one and wonder what on earth to do but for now it’s quite relaxing not knowing what I might have forgotten how to do.

Now the days just roll into one. Doesn’t matter what day it is because today is probably the same as yesterday….I went to the village shop on Monday for some bread and couldn’t understand why the shelves were empty until the young man behind the counter said “Bank Holiday weekend”….to me, it was just ‘today’……..

Nature and observation have always played an important part in my life, especially in bad times, and now I feel I have more time to notice, see more detail.

My daily trundle around the village spent looking for new detail to photograph…although whether it is actually ‘new’, who knows but it makes my day to find, what I think, is new…..even though I may have seen it before…I’m loving discovering new Public Footpath signs and wondering down them to see where they lead….

People in the village have been so kind in sending me maps of new village walks to trundle along, as long as I post the piccies at the end 😂

Our own world is definitely getting smaller as we’re confined to the area we live, but I find that rather comforting sometimes, but then I am very lucky living where I live, in beautiful countryside. For me, it would be a nightmare if I lived in a flat without no outdoor space. However, the lack of stimulation is a worry. I’m strangely content most of the time with the lack of having to think, having ‘to do’, but is that dementia making me feel comfortable?🤔

I realise many playmates are dealing with this time in different ways but this is how it’s affecting me. When the ‘old normal’ returns…that’s when the strangeness and stress will reappear all over again….but for now, I’ll try and enjoy this smaller world and worry about the world outside when we’re allowed to venture further afield…..

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

18 thoughts on “I no longer remember ‘normal’ as it once was…….

  1. I agree; I think many of us are feeling strange and lost, and beginning to wonder what normal is. Our main hope will be to do as much as we can when our ‘new normal’ is with us.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wendy I completely understand how you feel. Strange times but enjoying the sound of birds, beautiful walks, kind people and trying my best not to let dementia talk me down which it seems to enjoy doing. We will all get through this. I hope your nurse daughter is keeping well. Please thank her for us xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You say the lack of stimulation is a worry, and you’re strangely content with a lack of something to think/do. I usually have a hectic life with children, two jobs, husband and dog. I have thought exactly the same as you, I also feel content with little to think about/do, so perhaps it not dementia that makes you feel this way, but just your(& mine!) brain going…..ahhhhhhhh, rest,holiday! 👌

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A wise person said once, “So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles” and its joys too for that matter.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A wise person once said, “So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles” and joys too for that matter.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Wendy, I am right with you regarding the fear. I was extremely anxious about the loss of many skills in the beginning, but now the independent travel is the only one that hangs in there, the others have been lost in the haze. Maybe we have just identified our priority – both being avid public transport travellers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dementia or not Wendy, you are so wise making the most of each moment as it comes!
    ‘…today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present!’ Keep on enjoying the gift that is today…it’s precious!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Love your photos, Wendy. Such a positive way to keep going, and you’re so lucky to have beautiful walks on your doorstep and kindly neighbours to interact with. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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