It feels like Christmas………..

I had a day at home yesterday, which was lovely, not without a bit of work though. I had 2 FaceTime interviews in the afternoon. The first with Fleur Britten, who’s the Assistant Editor at Sunday Times Style magazine – I’d written an article on ‘beauty and dementia’ and she just wanted some more detail. The second was for a Swedish Magazine. Ulrika Palmcrantz, who produces a magazine for Swedish seniors and wanted to talk about my book as it’s not long been published there. Sounds very funny saying all that, but life is quite surreal at times but also very nice to speak to people I would never come across normally……..

Anyway…..the day before I’d arrived home to a lovely parcel from Tessa Gutteridge, CEO of Young Dementia UK. She’d read my blog about my ‘tea’ sadness and sent me these to try!

Then yesterday during the second interview the doorbell rang😳😱🤯 and I had to stop talking and just wait for it to stop as I can’talk and think of door bell 🤣😂…….Anyway once I’d finished I went downstairs to find another parcel waiting but this time from Yorkshire Tea with a selection of their different brews…

People on Twitter had nagged or maybe ‘asked’ Yorkshire tea if they would send me a goody bag and they were true to their word and did…….

It felt like Christmas all over again. I never knew ‘Biscuit brew’ existed…..😳
Now I’ve got the difficult task of deciding which to try first and I don’t do decisions 🤯….

But what a problem to have thanks to the kindness of others……….😊

p.s so Biscuit brew was first…..and guess what…..I quite liked it!!!! It tastes like you’ve just had a malted  bicscuit……..very weird but very nice. ~ Had it very weak to start off with as they recommended and obviously no milk………

Of the first batch from Tessa I tried Tumeric Gold which was also very pleasant with an unique taste. Not a morning tea but nice:)

so I went for the obvious morning choice, Breakfast tea from Yorkshire tea and that is my favourite so far. Had it weak and black ….

None gave me the comfort of my cuppa tea, but at least the choice on offer means I’ll be drinking more.,,,,

A day in London……

Yesterday was due to be a very lovely day as I was meeting up with lots of playmates, old and new, in London. All the current Alzheimer Society Ambassadors were meeting up with 4 lovely newbies. I can’t remember the last time we met as a group so I’ll hopefully get a lovely piccie.

It was a lovely day as the taxi pulled up, but torrential rain was due to meet me on my journey home.

As we trundled passed the Westwood you wouldn’t believe the weather that was forecast

So what to wear! Warm in London, heavy rain when I get back 🙄….so my raincoat made the journey with me aI’ll just be hot in London………..

As we trundled passed the Humber the sky showed the change that was coming………

I was heading for Doncaster on the first train and hadn’t realised I’d booked the reaaaaaaly sloooow train which stops everrrrywhere🙄……hey ho……

We got there eventually and soon the London bound train arrived……I would have caught an earlier train but they gave me the wrong time on the initial email and when the agenda came through I’d already booked my tickets so I’d be arriving after everyone else…..😔 It’s never nice arriving late after everyone else as you havn’t been part of the settling in process and feeling comfortable…….🙄 at least I’ll be with playmates…..

Anyway I arrived in London and guess what…..raining…….thank goodness I’d put on my raincoat….. I trundled down to the tube which took me to Tower Hill and then another ‘google’ assisted walk to the venue……well that’s what I thought……my latest programme faithfully printed and in my pink folder said the street was ‘Crossrail’…….well it certainly wasn’t as google wanted to take me miles away…..😳… what do I do?…….ask a smiley face!…..first person hadn’t heard of it and neither had the next ……🙈……so I popped into a local café and luckily they’d heard of the venue building…..turns out it was Crosswall……

I finally arrived and came in with Maria in full flow about the role of the Ambassador

I sat next to a new ambassador, new playmate ……wonderful 🥰

We had a discussion round the table and asked the newbie what he would like to do as an Ambassador. He said he’d just like to do more to encourage others to do …

I want to give back what was given to me”

The second question was about ‘How do we encourage others’ and I said how it actually helps our dementia by ‘doing’, by feeling appreciated, by feeling valued.

The third was around challenges…….Siezed my opportunity and said about typing the information right and directions.🙄…….well no one will learn if we don’t pipe up……

Each table fed back their views……good to hear from everyone and gave me a chance to see who was in the room……

Can only the backs of people as I’m not allowed to say who has been invited to be a new Ambassador as it will be announced later in the week……🤐

Lunch time and a time to catch up and chat with playmates, and me and Keith got carried away and had to be chivied back into the room 😂

After lunch it was my turn to talk about my experience of the media. I told them how I cope and what I’ve learnt including my tips and advice and ending with…..

Don’t be downhearted if you feel it hasn’t gone as expected – it will fly by and you probably did far better than you think. Most people don’t expect us to be able to say anything so saying something will be a revelation to them in itself.”

Akriti Farmahan, media manager, was after me to give information from the Alzheimer Society viewpoint. Telling us about their relationships with the media. How Storytelling for change is very important and a powerful way of influencing change.

We gave feedback on issues we’d had, which is always good otherwise how can we make things better…..

I had to leave a few minutes before the end due to the time of my train which was a bummer as it meant I couldn’t get a piccie of all of us, well the current Ambassadors, Chris, Keith, Joy and Hilary…..hope I havn’t missed anyone out……🤔

Outside and a wet London greeted me and a long wait at the tube station so a good job I’d left that little bit earlier……just got to Kings Cross with minutes to spare…..phew! A grey murky trundle home but at least I was on the new Hull trains service direct to Beverley so no changes!🙌

A lovely day meeting new staff and some wonderful new playmates – I call it ‘succession planning……..😊

A local trundling Monday………

Yesterday I had a local day. First up was the monthly Induction of new NHS staff at Humber Trust. We’re always involved as the second person to speak to new staff after Michele Moran, Chief exec of the Trust. I say, ‘we’ meaning the Research team. I’m their Trust ambassador and along with Sarah, who is a research assistant, we deliver a piece about why new staff should promote research.

It’s always tricky and unpredictable, being second, as the new staff havn’t got to know one another, are still a little nervous, and can be very quiet. But we’ll just have to see what this group brings….

Anyway, it was a lovely sunny day, after a miserable Sunday, and Sarah was due to pick me up at 9am and she drove up right on time…….I’d not had a good day on Sunday and as I got in the car I realised I hadn’t quite recovered. Discombobulated a tad…….

We chatted away mostly about our exciting adventure later in the month when Lola her dog, would be my playmate for the day at an event in Doncaster – very excited about a whole car trip and taking Lola for a walk when we get there….

We were half way there when suddenly Sarah got a text to say we’d been cancelled…..😳….only our bit …….☹️…….so as we were coming up to a roundabout we turned round and went back home again……very disappointing……

It’s so important for staff to start off right and for us it’s so important for them to hear the part they have in promoting research to patients….

We usually follow the chief exec, so goodness knows what had changed…but we did a selfie and I tweeted the trust to tell them how disappointed we were that only us were cancelled………to make up for it Sarah showed me videos of Lola as we pulled up outside my house ☺️ And we got a selfie…..

Not a good start to my week……..

Anyway…..the afternoon was taken up with catch up things with a Gp appointment and the dentist. The dentist has made me a splint to sort out my jaw and I had my usual list for my GP..🙄…

Good job I’ve got a lovely Gp. I only had one thing for her when I booked the appointment……The main reason was to ask her to witness my Advanced Decision that Sarah helped me write. This was after the End of Life conference where Celia Kitzinger spoke of the minefield of LPA’s, ReSPECT forms and the like. How clinicians often ignore them as they believe they have to act in the patients best interest……Celia said how an Advanced Decision was legally binding and acted as belt and braces for the rest.

So I’ve spoken to my Gp before when we completed the ReSPECT form and she happily signed and witnessed 2 copies for me before getting a copy scanned into my notes – perfect.

My head was banging by the time we’d finished so it was nice to drive through the Westwood and see the town cows happily munching away at their tea…….

Food……now the fuel of life……

Last Wednesday when I was at the care home in Fleet, Francis was so adamant that I needed to eat. If left to my own devices, I’m happy just to eat in the evening. Food doesn’t worry me anymore, I can take it or leave it. However, in the café, food kept being produced and put in front of me. Snacky crisps, sandwiches and all manner of cakes as it was someone’s birthday. I realised very quickly that I was taking a bite of everything that was put in front of me. I didn’t want it or need it, but because it was there I was picking at it.

One of the staff said how it was difficult to know what to do in the other extreme – when people have forgotten they’ve eaten and ask for another meal. I will always eat if something is put in front of me. If it isn’t I simply go without and don’t miss it. I wonder if others, that they spoke about, eat because it’s a nice activity and something they can do for themselves? Eating provides an activity. Maybe if some other ‘doing’ was provided when asking for a second meal, the ‘doing’ would replace the eating. Just a thought.

It never surprises me when I see people with dementia just staring at their food or simply leaving it untouched. Eating some food can be a very complex activity. If it’s on the wrong coloured plate or they simply have forgotten the process of eating. I much prefer to eat from a bowl now rather than a plate – it just seems easier.

That’s why I eat in the evening – it’s become that regular activity. I know that I get 2 or 3 good healthy meals a week because Stuart cooks for me. He adores cooking which in turn makes me enjoy eating it because I’ve seen the pleasure it provides him by cooking it.

Once upon a time I would trundle round the supermarket and get far more than I needed simply because I couldn’t decide. Now I wonder round looking for inspiration, trying to find something that will make me think, ‘mmmm I fancy eating that’ but it rarely happens now. I’ll pick something up because it’s easy to eat or easy to prepare.

Since falling out with milk, my stand by of porridge and bananas is no longer an option so my new independent meal is a wrap…..tried it for the first time yesterday……got in a right pickle making it and an even bigger mess eating it……more practice needed……🙄

I used to adore eating and cooking food……..not now……Food is simply fuel….

A Trundle down South……..

Yesterday saw my first venture out since the chaos of Dementia Action Week. It had taken me all this time just to feel less discombobulated. I’d also uncharacteristically been sleeping lots, which was very nice, but meant I didn’t sleep much last night as I was worried about oversleeping 🙄 can’t win……😊

So back to yesterday……I was travelling down to Fleet in Hampshire. It had an autumnal feel to the morning, cold and foggy…..bizarre weather lately. It was the first train of the day so the silly oclock start meant me and the driver trundled down to the station in silence – a tad too early for both of us.

I was heading down to a new destination as I’d been asked by Francis Bosompim if I would speak at a family event for family members and staff of a care home that he is supporting around dementia care.

The early morning spring sunshine was trying very hard to burn the fog away.

It was so cold on the train they brought round blankets 😳……..Francis txt me early on in the journey to check everything was ok, which is always so much appreciated. I’d had a moment of panic the day before as I couldn’t get in touch with him to check the final details. Just me being over cautious and wanting to feel safe but he made up for it on the journey.

The event wasn’t until 2pm but they’d kindly agreed to me having a hotel for the night and booked me an early check in. This would mean I could have a snuggle after the long journey.

The first train arrived in London and I caught the tube to Waterloo. I have another new app for the tube journeys, as the maps they give out have such tiny print I can’t make it out. I can’t remember if I’ve ever been to Waterloo station before……but I arrived amidst chaos……so many trains cancelled or delayed due to signalling problems (they must have heard I was coming🙄). Not knowing the area, I spotted an earlier train to Fleet that seemed to be one of the few still running so went for that one…..just in case. I would only arrive 10 minutes earlier but Francis had said it was no problem as he’d emptied his calendar for the day to make sure everything went smoothly 😍……big brownie point from me.

He was waiting on the station platform for me and drove me the short distance to the hotel, making sure I was able to check in early and just get settled for an hour.

Francis studied at Bradford University so had some very good teachers……..having come over from Africa in the early 2000’s, he’s now committed to improving the lives of people with dementia as a Gerontologist.

He works for the large care home group, Sunrise and Sister company Gracewell. I would be heading to one of them, called Gracewell of Church Crookham located in Fleet. Sunrise is more residential focus and Gracewell is more clinical and nursing home type. And right on time Francis came back to the hotel to take me there along with Lisa, an Activity coordinator from Sunrise.

We sat and chatted in a lovely open café area, looking out onto a large garden space

about everything including the Sunrise residents trip to M&S and having a lovely time and Francis’s trip to see the Dementia village in the Netherlands. Francis spoke about the cultural differences in various areas of the world including Africa and America – fascinating and could have listened to his thoughts all day long.

The time rolled on and I was taken to the ‘cinema room’ where staff, family and a few residents were waiting to hear me talk. I chatted about all manner of things, as usual – focussing on the CAN and ignoring the CAN’T; adapting; challenges and solutions before ending by reading the story of Billy.

There were questions at the end – can’t remember what, but asked by many. I chatted to some residents as everyone was leaving and each said how they loved their new home. They were lovely and many bought a copy of my book.

Afterwards we went to Lisa’s work at Sunrise Senior Living a short drive away which had a very grand entrance.

I hadn’t really realised where I was talking until I saw the Sunrise sign at the entrance to the home. Then I realised I’d seen their stands at many conferences….

Residents were just coming back from an outing and were sat having tea and cakes …..And look at this amazing scrabble board in their café – one of the residents was keen to point out that a child had been mixing all the letters up …I hadn’t noticed..😂

Francis tried his hardest to get me to eat snacks and sandwiches of every variety before asking the kitchen to make me a packed lunch to take back to the hotel…….I’ve never eaten so much…..😂 He then went and got the money to refund my expenses….in cash….wonderful and saves so much hassle.

Once back in my room I asked Mr Google to find out some info for me about Francis……

it turns out this amazing man was awarded the prestigious Dr Trevor Jarvis Award by the University of Bradford for his exceptional work on dementia care. He omitted to tell me that! Trevor and his wife Anne were wonderful friends and I still miss seeing them.

Another wonderful day in a new arena for me……..I’m so lucky……what a contrast to the Panorama programme on the Social Care crisis last night😔 but that would need a whole new blog to discuss…..

This time dementia might just have beaten me……

I’m always saying, ‘Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost’………but this time dementia has found something to beat me with by taking away my love of a cuppa tea…….I say, ‘dementia’ is responsible because I’ve got no one else to blame it on at the mo. It might be totally unrelated, but dementia is a good starting point for me.

It started a few weeks ago, when tea suddenly began to taste funny. I thought it was a blip and expected normality to resume very quickly. But as the days rolled on….and on…..and on……it became apparent that something was really amiss. It even tasted of the vegetable Swede on one occasion 😳…… It appears to be the milk that’s the problem. If I have it black, it’s palatable, not enjoyable but palatable.

I’ve been experimenting with all manner of alternatives, but none of them offer the same feeling as my cuppa tea……

I miss it’s company. Sounds strange I know. But when I’m sat on my own in silence I’ve always had a cuppa tea for company, now I feel totally alone. A cup of hot water is lacking in friendship. For once dementia, if that’s what it turns out to be, has caught me out and left me feeling sad. I can hear it’s cackling laughter as I’m sat there alone. A cuppa hot water or with a slice of lemon has taken it’s place. But it’s not the same. Just as food has become fuel, these replacements have simply become a necessity, not a joy.

As soon as playmate Agnes Houston told me the same had happened to her some years ago, I knew there was the likelihood that it was a permanent separation….

A strange thing to mourn over, you may think, but I really do miss my cuppa tea……….

Day 6 of 6……Whipps Cross Hospital…….

Feeling very sad and confused.

I wrote this blog on Friday, starting on the journey into London, then in the taxi back from the hospital and finished on the train home………but now it’s vanished, disappeared totally……goodness knows what I did. I expect I was so tired after such a long week that I clicked the wrong button……very sad as it was such a lovely day with amazing staff from the hospital. I was with trainer Buz Loveday, who I often work with as part of the course she runs for hospital staff.

I think they were all Ward Sisters, but then could be totally wrong. It’s no good me trying to write it all again as I’d just be making up the detail now – very sad. Don’t remember that happening before…….☹️

this just goes to show how important it is that I write my blog in real time, otherwise all these wonderful events would be lost.

Anyway, One thing is for certain…..I had a lovely time and had 90 minutes to talk about this that and everything else….and I’m sure there would have been questions afterwards as well……..

So I’m afraid all I can provide is photographic evidence of this wonderfully smiley group…..seems to be two different ones so will add them both……

Day 5 of 6…..Bath Festival…………

Sooooo nearly at the end of my marathon, but what a lovely event I had yesterday…..on stage at Bath Festival with the lovely Nicci Gerrard (John’s Campaign) and Steph Booth (married to actor Tony Booth).

This new audience events are always so gentle, so calming, the main reason I like them.

Anyway, I got up, opened the hotel curtain to the screech of seagulls and bright sunshine. By the by……having been in a different room every night of the week has been a tad challenging, AND working out where I was each morning!! My notes and prompts have been working overtime this week.

Once again, I’d had txts from the organisers checking I was ok and if I needed any help, so felt very relaxed. They’re told at the beginning only to txt so do so. I’ve also done a few things with Nicci and know how kind she will be.

So I arrived safe, sound, without incident 😱 at Bath Spa Station in the early evening sunshine to find the festival adverstied immediately

I ambled to the hotel, closed the curtain and hibernated for the evening, before opening them in the morning to see the sunshine had returned

Someone from the Festival had agreed to meet me in the hotel reception and walk me to the venue and as planned, `Andrea arrived and we ambled through the lovely streets of Bath to the venue, the Assembly Rooms.

I was the first to arrive in the lovely big Green room which was a tent attached to the back. It was so colourful and lovely. Within a few minutes James Long arrived, who would be our chair, along with Nicci and Steph. We immediately got on and chatted happily.

Sound tests were done and before long the audience were in place and it was our turn to take to the stage. James had already said what an easy one this would be for him as we chatted non stop 😂🤣 He was a lovely man.

Our three books all compliment one another beautifully, with 3 very different experiences yest with much in common.

They had a piccie of my hardback but sold my paperback….not sure why…

The biggest common denominator was the lack of support we all had and have. People in the audience resonated with all our stories and lots of questions came in the last 15 minutes, so many hands up that James had to bring it all to a halt.

I’m typing this in a café straight after so I’m trying to get as much down as I can but sadly most has gone. I just remember I was on stage with 2 wonderful women, each giving the other time to speak and voice their opinions – wonder if that was because we were 3 women promoting our books on stage or is that the sceptic inside me 🤔

Whatever it was, I had the most lovely time in a beautiful setting. The 3 of us sat together for the book signing and listened to the stories of others as they so generously bought our books.

Finally we all signed the few that were left for the bookshop before signing their ‘authors cushion’………what a lovely idea…..

And a lovely way to end such a gentle, calm event before hugs, goodbyes and dispersing into our own worlds again…….and I trundled in the sunshine through the wonderful streets of Bath, taking in the infamous Circle, where 4 magnificent trees stand proud in the middle

Only one more event left on Friday in London…..but you won’t hear about that until Tuesday……… I’ll be in a darkened room hibernating……😴😴😴😴

Day 4 of 6……..heading to London………

So after the most amazing morning with Dougie MacMillan Hospice on Tuesday I headed south for Day 4 and the Alzheimers Society Conference. I’d missed the first day of this conference due to Dougie Mac asking me first.

The train from Stoke on Trent was merrily chugging to London and I was intending to get to the drinks reception for Ambassadors at 5.10…..I had loads of time………..but then……..the train came to a halt………… Nuneaton……….and didn’t move………..

Eventually the guard came through the carriage to say the sad news that there’d been a fatality on the line and all lines were blocked into London and that we’d be heavily delayed or maybe have to alight at Nuneaton and simply wait……..😳…….

Very sad for the family and friends of the person and nothing at all we could do about it so we just had to sit there and wait. Some people were getting very irate with the guard, who really couldn’t do anything about it. Felt really sorry for her. I might have been anxious if people were relying on me to be somewhere but they weren’t so I tried not to worry…….

However, as always things for me are never straight forward…..the guard the announced that we all had to get off as they were going back to Manchester 🤯…… what seems like ages passed and I went and hid in the loo for a little while just to get away from the crowds and panicky people. I then made a quick exit as I heard an announcement to tell everyone to go to a different platform… wasn’t over the tannoy though, it was someone shouting…….more chaos as everyone then just stood by another stationary train not quite knowing what to do. Apparently the driver was waiting for instructions from Virgin to say he could go to London. They could still use the 2 slow lines so a few trains were being allowed through.
However……..this train was already complete with waiting sitting passengers……soooooo people rammed on from our train but it was clearly going to be overcrowded. I managed to get a seat but not by the window so I spent the rest of the journey agitated and restless………..🙈

moral of the tale….DO NOT TRAVEL WITH ME!!!!

We finally arrived in Euston, by this time I didn’t care how late or what the time was as I’d decided I just couldn’t physically go to the evening event. All I wanted was to hibernate in my room. But when we headed towards the concourse at Euston it was clear there hadn’t been any trains out of Euston for hours. The noise of the crowds was overwhelming and I was thankful when I found the escalator down to the tube………forgetting it was now rush hour…..😱🤯😱…….so me and my fellow sardines trundled towards Vauxhall to find my hotel.🙈

Now I’ve stayed in this hotel a few times and knew that if I came out of the bus station exit I would be near – remember,  no phone so no apps to help me………..mmmmm….I did come out at the right exit but then went in the opposite direction……..luckily a nice man handing out the free papers turned me round and pointed me in the right direction…….😶

Soooooooo glad when I finally lay on my bed ……in silence……..finally had WiFi and was able to tell my daughters I was still alive and go online for a chat with the phone company, who told me there were still problems………..I havn’t even started to tell you about the event yet🤐

Day 4 is actually Day 2 of the Alzheimers society conference. It was being held at the Oval Cricket Ground in London again.

I was really hoping to get some hugs from playmates and team hugs – I was not disappointed, so many I can’t remember them all but these 3 were very special

And I saw Philly on her DEEP stand with Aimee Day and playmate Joy

Duncan Jones, Trustee, started off with housekeeping before handing over to Matt Hancock, the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care…..he told us how apparently this was where the first ever dementia friendly cricket game was played.

So, what do we do with dementia? He spoke of 3 areas, Prevention, Research, Social Perscribing.

He spoke of social prescribing and the arts with greater use of music and the arts. It was disappointing that he didn’t mention the emotional and practical help that people could also be prescribed and need when diagnosed and the need for the whole family to get help.

His speech was disappointing, full stop. Typical politicians speech, No mention of social care crisis, nothing new, just words.

Shelagh asked why dementia training in hospitals is woefully lacking. He started by mentioning the value of dementia friends….🙈🙈🙈🙈 Dementia Friends is ‘AWARENESS’, not training……..🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Not the start I was hoping for but one I should have probably expected.

Next up was the new Chief Policy and Research Officer, Fiona Carragher. She spoke of how the society is funding research of all dementias and on every level, prevention, early diagnosis, treatment and cure and care and technology.

The Research Network is 20 years old this conference and it’s the one part of the society that I always enjoy working with.

Lenny Shallcross, Executive Director of the World Dementia Council came next. He gave the global picture. His one quote about the Gay Human Rights issues which made me sit up and listen:

Change happened because people stood up”

Sadly none of the speakers were grasping my brain enough to stay focussed. My brain seems to be in need of new batteries today and I’m struggling to be enthused.

However, next up was playmate, Larry Gardiner along with 3 others talking about Working Together to build inclusive communities. Catherine Anderson, co founder of the Jo Cox Foundation spoke of the importance of the community. Jo Cox wanted to be an MP because how could anything they decide be reflective of society if the majority were male 👍 wonderful.

A strand of their work is trying to tackle loneliness – one conversation at a time.

That one was wonderful because it was saying what people were doing and not just talking words.

Playmate was speaking on behalf of the 3 Nations Dementia Group.
Larry has worked all over the world and has so many skills and values that he’s a new asset to the group. He showed a piccie of the current group, which was lovely to see and spoke of the amazing work they’re currently doing around human rights.

His lovely words about those of us living with dementia were:

We all live alone in our own brains’ – beautifully put Larry.

Sadly, now my batteries were running dangerously low, so I shut my ipad. However my batteries were given a sudden boost at lunch time when I ventured into the quiet area only to meet Glenys Petrie and playmate John Quinn from Australia. We had a lovely conversation. I’d never had the privilege of meeting them before but they’re over here before travelling back soon.

For a moment I came back to life, as how could I possibly not be recharged by these wonderful people….but I then stopped all typing

The afternoon was taken up with something but can’t remember what as I’m sat here tapping away on the train. One thing I do remember is hysterical laughter with Philly and Aimee and I can’t even remember why 🙄🤣😂🤣

Felt it was time for me to go before the rush hour started. And on the way out, who was coming up the stairs, but the lovely Nicci Gerrard, who, by chance, I’d be with tomorrow!
She was taking part in the end of conference panel and had just arrived. So after a hug and a piccie I left for the station.

Now to Bath for the penultimate day………..😴