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Hello and welcome to my blog. On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with Young onset dementia. I may not have much of a short-term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget.

Me - 59 years young with my wonderful daughters:)
Me – 59 years young with my wonderful daughters:)

I’m 62 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I continued to work full time in the NHS until the end of March 2015, when I chose to take early retirement to enable me to enjoy being me while I’m able. I have never ‘tweeted’, ‘blogged’ or ‘facebooked’ in my life but since I was diagnosed, everything else in my life has changed, so why not this. I hope you find my ramblings of interest.

I started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. Luckily the part of my brain that allows me to type hasn’t broken yet and I find that easier than talking. I have calendars that take care of the future but this blog serves as a reminder of what I’ve done and said in the past – it now serves as my memory. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness.

It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we’ve been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we still have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day-to-day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. Living as well as you can with dementia is all about adapting. Adapting to new ways to enable us to live better for longer with dementia.

I can type as though dementia never entered my world as that part of my brain has not yet been affected, but that often works against me as people question my diagnosis. All I can say is, live a day in my shoes and I’m sure the reality will dawn.

What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

I’m now the proud author of the Sunday Times Best Seller, Somebody I Used to Know, which just goes to show, you should never give up on yourself.

Click on the ‘Blogs’ tab to see what you’ve missed and then click to ‘follow’ me if you’d like to receive my daily blogs in your inbox.

If you prefer to comment by email please feel free – wendy7713@icloud.com or you can find me on Twitter   @WendyPMitchell

Billy, my daughter's cat - a calming influence in my life.
Billy, my daughter’s cat – a calming influence in my life.

 

 

755 thoughts on “Home

      1. Dear Wendy
        Just read your book and then your blog for yesterday.
        Thank you for giving us all a recipe for living, whether or not we are living with dementia.
        Like your approach to life, recipes are there for us to develop, change and adapt so we can bring out the sweetness and savouriness of the ingredients we have to hand.
        Sometimes they turn out a little sour, sometimes they simply don’t work at all, but as you have shown and continue to show, if you continue to season with hope and love, even porridge and bananas can sustain you well!
        Di x

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Wendy for a wonderful insight into the foggy world of dementia. I wishthat your book had been available years ago. I was a social worker in an elderly care mental health team in the 1980’s/90’s early days of the research and treatment development into dementia.I recall how frustrated I used to feel when I could not provide any answers or coping strategies for our service users.I was very pleased to read of your insistence of continuing to live alone. In those early days, anyone being diagnosed with dementia was immediately cocooned in the ‘We know best’ scenario of the care system. The sight of those overmedicated and abandoned souls haunts me to this day.Thank you for such an insightful, and at times, very amusing peep into your world.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Read your book last week, Wendy, and really enjoyed learning so much about dementia from the perspective of someone who experiences it first hand. My aunt has has this for some years and I wish we’d known some of your tips before! For example, having a photograph of the contents of a drawer or cupboard pinned on it. We couldn’t understand how she forgot what was in there and kept saying she had no nighties or jumpers. My aunt is now in a specialist care home and so far seems to have settled really well if resigned to it rather than happy. She’s 90.
      Best wishes to you.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Dear Wendy,
      I am a care assistant in a care home for people living with dementia and I have just finished reading your book ….this book is a wonderful read and your positive outlook for life and everything life throws our way, is enlightening!!! An inspiration to anyone experiencing/living with dementia and to every single human who is weaving their way through LIFE!!!! 💖💖 Thank you for sharing your story with us!!

      I wish you all the best on your journey through life and really hope you get to enjoy many more of your awesome adventures!!! 🤗🤗

      All the best xxx

      Like

  1. Wendy I’m currently 2/3rd through your wonderful book and although it is a hard read it is a very enlightening one and certainly one that I think everyone should read.

    My dad is 73 and although not officially diagnosed yet, he is having issues and reading your book has given me a greater understanding of someone living with this.

    Thank you so much for giving me the gift of understanding my dad and learning to be more patient with him.

    You are an inspiration and wish you a wonderful future

    Like

  2. Hi Wendy, I have just finished reading your story. My Mom is 73 and was diagnosed 18 months ago with vascular dementia and whilst she’s in the early onset, I feel better equipped for what lies ahead, feel I have a better understanding of some of what she’s experiencing and how we might be able to help her, especially the reminders via the iPad! Thank you so much for everything you are doing, raising awareness, changing the words people use, living rather than suffering…you’re a true inspiration!! Kindest regards, Lesley👋

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Dear Wendy.
        I am reading your book right now. Your description of two book shelves of memory (pg.97)is truly wonderful and something I had never fully understood. Thank you for writing the book and helping other people’s struggles with dementia become more bearable.
        It is also lovely to see a smiling picture of you on your twitter feed! . Best wishes. Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wendy,

    What a truly inspirational women.

    My Dad is 71 and only got diagnosed last year with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia (although we have been fighting for a diagnosis for almost 10). Being only 23 back then, I’ve never once spoken to my dad about his diagnosis as he was very proud and didn’t want us to know. Currently he doesn’t realise he has dementia.

    Personally, I’ve struggled with depression for years, I think stemming from worrying about how my dad feels etc. Your book is enlightening and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, you’re amazing!
    D x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello Wendy, I am reading your book and decided to check this website. I am delighted to see you are doing so well. Best wishes from Kathy in Colorado, USA

    Like

  5. Wendy, I absolutely praise you for writing this book and giving the world an incredible insight and hopefully a better understanding of how people who are living with it really feel. Before we were all just guessing and trying to do “ the right thing” , your work will pave the way for so many people both as careers and people living with dementia/ Alzheimer’s like a beacon of hope & courage .
    Thank you 😇

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Wendy, I am an aged care physiotherapist in Sydney, Australia, and I see clients with dementia daily. Your book has given me so much insight re what it is like to live with dementia, how capable people with dementia can still be when creative adaptive strategies are put in place. Your book has also given me a lot of practical ideas, ones that I can share with my clients and their carers, on how to set up a home and daily routine to maximize functional independence. You should be so proud of yourself for writing that book.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Wendy,

    I read your book in one day on holiday in April, it was both moving and insightful. As someone who likes to be helpful, it’s shown me, yet again, that doing tasks for others is often disempowering for anyone. I try to remember that learning when I’m tempted to jump in and do things for others or at least wait to be asked!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have finally finished reading you book,amazing work you have done and I have marked areas in the book that may help people, especially my sister who has been diagnosed last 18 months . I find it unreal that you can also use the iPod etc to help you .So much insight , thank you and you still get around. You are so talented ..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Wendy I just want to say thank you for being so open and honest with what it is like living with dementia on a daily basis knowing that no 2 days are the same.

    My Nan who sadly passed away last year was suffering with dementia and she went down hill very fast she was only diagnosed with early onset dementia 1 year b4 she passed away. I do feel that the staff at the special care facilities could do with more training as my Nan was at the stage where she forgot to always chew her food. Which the carers were obviously aware of as they informed my dad and my aunt of this. Anyway she actually passed away through choking on her food which if a carer had been in the room which to me they should have then may be she possibly would still of been here.

    She had a good life and although she passed away via choking I don’t mean what I’m about to say sound cruel or unsympathetic. But in a way when she passed away it was a blessing in disguise as she didn’t know who anyone was and it was hard to see her suffering this way. She was 98 when she passed away so as I said she had a good life and she had so many people that loved her.

    I just wish I had known or seen a blog from someone that was living with dementia so I could of been more educated on it.

    Anyway I am also replying to this as my mother’s partner was diagnosed with early onset dementia at the beginning of May and I went down to my mothers for 2 week’s just for a break from where I live. Anyway whilst I was there I noticed a big change in my mother’s partner since I was down there for Xmas and it shocked me at how much he has changed and how easily he can lose his temper or as u have said about forgetting what day or what time it is. There was one day we were sat there and I was getting my shoes on to get ready to go out and he looked at the clock on the wall and both me and my mum both thought he was just seeing what time it was. He then turned around to my mum and asked her what day it was as the thing on the wall isn’t saying what day it is. So as I said I have seen the change in him since I was down there at Xmas.

    Anyway after reading some of your blog I now have a better understanding of what you, my mum’s partner and what so many other people are going thru. But not only do I see what people with dementia go through but now I understand what the families go through as well.

    So I would like to say thank you for being so open and honest.

    Thank you so much to you and your family for sharing your story it’s refreshing to see.

    Like

  10. I just want to thank you for making so many things clear to me. I read your article on the Guardian website. My grandmother (many years ago) died with Alzheimer’s, which wasn’t really recognised then. My mother died in 2010 and now my dear mother in law has vascular dementia. It is such a revelation to understand something of what they went/are going through. I am going to buy your book to be able to try and guide my husband’s family through what is an alien existance to them. I really take my hat off to you for doing this, thank you so very much! With many hugs to you and your daughters, from Christina.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dear Wendy,
    Just finished reading your book.
    My father has dementia.
    Our lives just got a little bit easier thanks to your guidance.
    Thank you so much!!
    Yours Julia.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi Wendy. To my delight I read in the Saturday telegraph there’s now a chance local authorities will allow people with dementia/anxiety (ie hidden disabilities) to get a blue badge. I’m sure your efforts and others must have prevailed. Hurrah.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hi Wendy I saw you speak at Bath Festival and thought you were inspirational in how you have tackled your diagnosis and generous in sharing the way you have tackled it. Your book will help so many people. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hello Wendy. When I selected your book to read I wasn’t entirely sure why I’d chosen it, yet how thankful I am that I did! Your book joined me on a recent holiday and on reading it what an incredible range of emotions, superb insights and a better understanding of dementia – from both sides – have I now experienced. On a daily basis I recounted some of your challenges and situations to my husband and extolled the virtues of your incredible will and determination to ‘adapt’ to a different way of living.

    Two of my husband’s uncles live and lived with dementia and due to lack of education, understanding and knowledge of those who were in a better place to help, were they thrown on the ‘scrap heap’.

    You are a truly amazing, strong, intelligent and inspirational lady with a resourcefulness that has blown me away along with all you have done and continue to do to improve so many peoples understanding of dementia – a wonderful legacy.

    Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hi Wendy!
    I just read your book Somebody I used to know (Hon som var jag in swedish)
    I like the book. I am a assistant nurse and work with people how have demens. Your book are tell how it is for a person with the diagnose. And it was very good to here you tell how it is. I am not so good in english but I hope you understand what I writing.
    Kind regards Rose-Marie

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wendy what a brave, positive and inspirational woman you are. My Father had Alzheimer s and Vascular Dementia and his final days have always haunted me. We felt so helpless, your book has reminded us of the humour, courage and resourfulness that we had to find in the early days that I had forgotten. Your book has been a balm to the soul and helped me come some way to accepting his passing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. How i wish i had read your book before my parents were caught in the cruel world of dementia. My father when he was 70 and my mum when she was 87. How much more better i would have been able to help them. Thankyou for the insight Wendy 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Wendy, you are an inspiration. Thank you so much for writing this book. It is so powerful to read the perspective of someone with this disease, rather than reading an account from a caregiver or medical professional’s point of view. You have given me many ideas for how to work with my mom who has dementia, and insights into how she might be feeling or why things affect her the way they do (she also has balance problems and finds things to be much noisier now). I am recommending your book to everyone I know!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hi Wendy, I am reading your book this week and my lovely mum has very recently been diagnosed with dementia (aged 75). Like you she is a very capable, intelligent, independent woman, who is having to adapt very fast – we all are. She is adapting better and coping well, but my brother and I have a lot to learn and understand. To read about your experiences is helping me so much, to get inside my mum’s head, to empathise with her frustration, worries, shame and fear, as well as helping me to work out a practical approach to help her to continue to live independently. She has at last accepted her diagnosis, but we are at the ‘what now?’ stage. Thank you for helping me to make sense of it and congrats on a super book.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I’M HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 3 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO MY COUNTRY, MY BOYFRIEND(NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING FOR EVERYTHING HIM AND HIS MOTHER HAS DONE TO ME..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR SOME VITAL INFORMATION WHICH I FORWARDED TO HIM…I AM HAPPY TO SAY WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED, IN CASE ANYONE NEED SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS___________________________ ROBINSONBUCKLER@ HOTMAIL. COM…… HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT,.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thank you very much for your book. My mother and grandmother lived years with dementia so I know parts about it, but from you I have learned much more from the inside. One small question though: I read you prefer respect to compassion, but are they necessarily opposites? Can´t there be a respectful compassion? (I have read the book in Swedish so maybe other words are used in the original)

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Hi Wendy,

    I’ve just finished reading your book and I just wanted to say thank you. It was absolutely beautifully written and so insightful. As a young GP I really feel that your book has helped me to better myself personally and professionally and for that I am very grateful.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I have just finished your wonderful book. I am so impressed with how you cope with all that travelling and lecturing, knowing how difficult life can be with dementia. You are an inspiration, not only to others in the same situation, but to those who find life challenging in other ways. Keep up the good work and remain strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Very inspiring read of your book. I work as a care assistant in a care home for mainly dementia residents and see how frustrating it can be for them. Reading your book has helped me see it a little bit more from their perspective.. best wishes for your future.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Thank you Wendy for your beautiful book and all the experiences you shared. My neighbor, who has alzheimer, told me about the book She loves your book! It gives her hope. I’m very proud of her how she lives with the disease. By reading your book I now understand more what she is going through. Thank you! with kind regards, Nienke from the Netherlands.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Dear Wendy
    I have just finished reading your amazing book, which resonated with me so strongly. My sister Joan died from Alzheimers aged 83 just 2 months ago. I had spotted the early stages in 2004. The main difficulty I had was the distance between her in Dorset and me still working full time as a radiographer in Cambridge Joan had many friends locally and I saw her as often as I could. Her finances were chaotic, so I became POA in 2006.She was still working at that time, teaching special needs at a local Private school, though finding it more difficult as the time went by. She used her diary for every event relating to work, the choirs she sang in and the days the bins were emptied were in the appropriate colour pen. Within a couple of years she needed carer’s visits which she resented at first but learnt to tolerate them. Sadly she receded into her own world and some of her local friends dropped off the radar. I was watching all the time for the tipping point when she would not be safe living on her own at home. She had attempted to go through her photo albums but became so confused she abandoned the books which I later found hidden in draws. Our times together became more frequent and always involved an outing with lunch which she loved. Sometimes arriving I would find her in layers of clothes in the dark with the curtains drawn, her hair lank and in need of washing. I bathed her as often as I was there.The carers were unable to get her in the bath as she constantly told them she always washes her hair. She blew up the microwave and once when I was there she turned on the gas and walked away without lighting it. The gas man came the next day to isolate the cooker. The tipping point came when she took a tumble from a garden chair and had no idea how to get up. Within 10 days I found a wonderful care home in North Norfolk where we live now, moving her was no problem at all. She spent 5 years in the first home and another 5 years nearer us just 2 miles away. I could go on but will stop now. Suffice to say that I applaud your tenacity, vigour,and rigour to do all that you have done for dementia sufferers and also what you do for yourself on a daily basis.
    Contente Dementia by Oliver James is another good book you might mention…

    Liked by 1 person

  27. hi Wendy.having just read your newspaper article I felt inclined to get in touch.ihave recently retired after 21 years of being a one to one support worker for people with dementia under the age of 65.our service offered a once weekly 3 hour visit,sometimes mncreasing to 2 or 3 visits as the dementia progressed.I supported one gentleman for 14 years and even after he went into a nursing home I still visited him as he always recognised me . The company I worked for was called Young Dementia UK previously The Clive Project which was set up in 1998 and was the first service in the Uk for younger people with dementia.I do hope this will help in some way .hope this finds you well.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Hi Wendy, I bought your book but find it difficult to remember the first pages. I can not concentrate and forget what I have read. I am a 72 year old lady and five years ago I have been diagnosed of early Alzheimer’s. I will ask my daughter to read it and make a summary. I wish you Health & Happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Thanks Wendy for the wonderful book.
    I have learn a lot😍 My father died 15 years ago and I wish I knew all this back then.

    Like

  30. Hi Wendy,
    Just finished reading your book – what a lovely experience – cried most of the way through it!
    My mother had Alzheimers but we didnt discover this until quite late on and she passed within the year.
    Wish we had known what she was going through in the early stages – your book has given me hope for the future.
    Regards
    Susan Powell

    Like

  31. Wendy my dad is living with Vascular Dementia. He lives in a nursing home. We try to make it as enjoyable as we can. Your book made me cry and laugh much like dad’s condition. Dad is 68 and it’s been approx 9 or 10 years but I am not ready to let him go. It hurts too much. He like you is so young still. I must stop as the tears I try to avoid have just begun.

    Liked by 1 person

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  33. Dear Wendy,
    Have just read your book and have signed up to your blog. I’m an NHS nurse working within elderly care and nurse lots of people with dementia. Reading your book has really struck a chord with me. Little things you have said that help you I am going to try to incorporate into my work with people with dementia. I feel so inspired by your work to try and make a difference albeit it in small ways.
    Thank you so much for being a voice to so many who can’t express themselves as eloquently as you. You really are a remarkable lady 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Thank you for such an insightful book. I have just finished reading today. Thank you for the positivity brought by the glass half full person. I will spread the awareness and bring people to your book and this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Hello Wendy, I found your book at Heathrow airport on our way back to South Africa a couple of weeks back. It seemed to jump out at me -“Buy me, Buy me” it seemed to be saying. I have just completed the book and have SSSO enjoyed the insight it has given me as a retired professional nurse – Thank you! I hope to be following you as well – hope that’s OK

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Hi Wendy I to have just finished reading your amazing book. I think anyone working with people with dementia should read it x I also work in the NHS and sometimes come across patients with dementia. This will help me to help them and their careers
    Thank you you are an inspiration
    Pip

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I also have just finished reading your book Am 75, live in Western Australia and a friend and I are comparing our “senior’s moments.” You really clarified the haze that comes over people with dementia and I like the way you find your way out of it. Am so impressed at all you have done. We will use your practical suggestions and think of you often. Both of us have cats and I think all people should relax with a cat. My friend lives opposite a “cat cafe” and we go there often for coffee. All the best to you and your lovely daughters. Oh, and also to the gorgeous cat!

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I also read your book and especially remember your description of how sometimes the fog comes down . I am a Morris dancer and one of our members comes every week and has benefited I Hope from support and social interaction as well as encouragement to remember the pattern and moves in the dance . Sometimes though he says bad day today the fog has come down but he never gives up . My hero x

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Hi Wendy. I have just read your book and found it so inspiring. I work in adult social care and I am also a dementia friend. Working with the family members is a big part of my role and your book will certainly help me to help them better. I will be sure to tell them all about you and your fantastic daughters. You are an incredible person. Thank you for sharing your world with us. X

    Liked by 1 person

  40. DOES HERBS WORK FOR DEMENTIA?

    This was the same question that prompted me to read further a testimony I saw on a blog. I would like to tell a story – hoping it will be useful to others – of my struggles and achievements with Dementia. I was diagnosed a little over 4 years ago, No doctors I met have any treatment or even suggestions apart western medications. I even sought advice on Youtube, to no avail. After using the conventional approach to medication treatment without improvement. I am glad something happens fast. There have been suicides due to people not being able to continue on living with the endless memory challenges. It is horrible. I learned about Dr. charanjit herbal medicine that works effectively for me without any negative effects. I have returned back to my normal life and I hope that the symptoms do not return again, It really helped me! If you have Dementia kindly contact Dr. Charanjit for help and necessary solution (charantova@gmail.com)

    Liked by 1 person

  41. dear wendy, i do so enjoy reading your blog. I live in market weighton and work in an over 55’s retirement complex and some of my residents have dementia. reading your blog really helps me to understand things from their perspectives. When i see that you have been on the bus i often wonder if it was the one that drove past me through the town the day before. i hope we are all able to follow your story in your own words for a good time to come yet. wishing you all the best, Rachel.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Hej Wendy
    Just finished your book in the swedish translation and will thank you for att you took your energy to help us to understand how dementia is from the ”inside”. Something my father never let us know, maybe because we never ask…
    Katrin

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Hi Wendy,

    I’ve just finished your book in one sitting because I couldn’t put it down. (I’m in Melbourne, Australia – but my in-laws live in NorthAllerton!)

    I wanted to say thanks for being so brave, and for providing us all with such an inspiring and thought provoking read. I hope it brings some greater understanding to everyone caring for or supporting people living with dementia – your account is really powerful. Personally and professionally your story has affected me!

    Personally, my beloved Nana passed away 3 years ago after a long journey living with dementia. Something I was really aware of when I was with her (but hadn’t articulated until I read your words) was how aware she was of the emotional climate in the room – I remember once when she had lost most of her her spoken language she was still able to comfort my 6 month old son when he cried. And we took such comfort in feeling that she was still with us, even though she couldn’t always communicate. I found a greater understanding of how things may have been for her from reading your words, and they have brought some real comfort, so thank you.

    Professionally – I’m a speech therapist. I will be sharing your story with our team. I hope to generate some team based discussions about how we can use your words and story to increase awareness and effect some changes for the people and families we work with.

    I’ve signed up to your blog and will follow along with great interest for your next adventures!

    Thank you again for being brave enough to share your journey with us all.

    Dayan

    Like

  44. Hello Wendy
    I’ve just finished reading your book and would just like to say thank you for sharing your experiences. It has helped me understand dementia a lot more. My dear mum died recently from vascular dementia and I was able to recognise many of the situations you describe, that she experienced some of them way back before she was diagnosed. I am reassured that I was able to give her some comfort with my visits and that she would remember the feeling and love from them, even though she would have forgotten the visit. I am going to pass your book onto my friend who is a community matron and encourage her to pass it on to her team, it will help them to understand any of their patients who are suffering from this horrible disease.

    I would like very much to wish you well and say thank you again for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

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