A glimmer of hope……for now..

After I’d written yesterdays blog, I tried to work out how long dementia had grasped me tight. The longest in the past, looking at my blogs is a week…but this time it was several weeks and so long that I actually couldn’t work it out 😔 It got me thinking, was this another proverbial, step down, and this state was now my life until the next step? A sad thought to go to sleep with that night.

However, the following morning, I woke, opened my eyes and for a moment just lay there. Something was different. My head was clearer, brighter almost. The handcuffs had been loosened, the grip not so tight. What had changed? Who knows 🤷‍♀️….had dementia tired of its games for now? Hopefully. Or maybe my acceptance of it being another step down, maybe worked psychologically 🤷‍♀️. When I refer to the ‘step down’ I’m referring to the Vascular part of my dementia, as that type creates sudden steps down in progression, whereas the Alzheimer’s half has always provided me with a steady slope down.

 Whatever it was I was grateful for its release. How long will it last? Who knows, but today I was determined to see the sunrise and had no problem getting up and dressed 🙌

I opened the curtains and could see a heavy frost covering the cars. I knew the moon was on my favourite cycle, so while the kettle was boiling I pulled on my coat and headed out, in the hope of clear skies. It was amazingly clear and there was the, almost, rock-a-by baby moon

I stood and stared for a few moments, then realised I’d forgottten gloves and hat and was starting to freeze to the spot 😂 It was certainly a cold morning…It was a tad too soon to head out for the sunrise, so I snuggled back inside to warm up with a cuppa.

Worried I might get distracted and eager to be outside, one cuppa sufficed, this time remembering my gloves, which live on the radiator so are always toasty warm in a morning, along with my hat which sits beside.

The sky was totally clear and bright as I reached the corner

Up the snicket, the air icy cold, my fingers already numb. Good job I’d remembered my hotties inside my gloves, but it was so cold even they were only luke warm as I rubbed them between my fingers hoping for a thaw. The leaves on the ground, wet and muddy the day before suddenly looked crisp and bright. Each individual leaf frozen in time

Dog walkers passed me by, wishing me good morning. Geezer, Albert and Leah, far too busy playing to take any notice …as they’d just come out of the playing field, so I stopped and snapped the waiting sky

All the mud along the lane was now frozen solid so I decided to walk through to my sunrise spot, which would have been a quagmire the day before, but was now troughs of frozen mud and much easier to walk through. I reached the open field

I couldn’t remember where the sun would rise 🤔 I couldn’t remember the last time I was here and sure enough, I spotted the edge of the golden ball through the trees

I’d have to move. I walked up alongside the farmers field, the ruts deeper and rougher, but eventually came to the only view I’d get this morning, still through the trees but a tad clearer

And stood…..and watched…..and snapped

I could feel my breathing become much calmer, nature was working its magic. I might not have had a clear view, but, today, it didn’t seem to matter.

I walked back along the field edge and decided that a walk through the wood would be possible today. No longer the muddy inaccessible walk, but now a path frozen overnight. As I headed towards the wood, every now and then a clearing would allow me sight of the sun

The entrance to the wood was quiet. The bramble leaves coated tiny crystals of ice, suddenly taking on a different beauty

The sun light was just beginning to filter through the the trees, like a dimmer switch, starting off low

Then the higher the sun reached, the switch was turned to a gentle glow, my shadow standing beside them

At the back of the wood is an opening and suddenly I caught sight of moving figures in the field. I stayed very still, until I was sure

It feels like months since I’ve seen deer. A huge smile covered my icy cold face.The morning sun had just reached the copse behind them and was casting an soft misty glow behind them as they grazed, unaware of my presence..

They were quite a way away, but I knew they’d hear the slightest sound from the crunchy ground beneath my feet. 

As I slowly moved, one looked up and I froze again

They were heading for the shelter of the trees, the male lagging behind

As they disappeared out of sight, I sighed a contented sigh and turned to see the wood flooded with light

I had a peek through the trees to see if the deer had come through to the next field, but no sign of them, just natures beauty everywhere I looked

As I walked back to the original opening, there they were again, they hadn’t gone into the copse after all.

All I could see was their three white bums as they were feasting on something tasty in the ground

I noticed behind them were another group of birds…pheasant? Grouse? I wasn’t sure, they were too far away to identify, but there were lots of them feeding off something

A gunshot suddenly spooked the deer 

…and they all raced across the field to safety

My feet and hands were now frozen solid too

I shook my hands and feet as I wobbled through the back of the wood. I could see where villagers had put planks of wood to traverse the mud, but these were frozen solid in the wood today and made for an easier passage through. 

I came out at the back of the horses fields

Not far to home now …another beautiful collection of frozen leaves caught my eye and made me stop once more to snap

Out into the open playing fields, the white frost starting to glisten in the morning sunshine

I made my way home, back along the lane..

…and finally my last photo, of the church looking resplendent as the morning sun began to cast the shadows of trees across its brickwork….

What a difference one day makes….From thick fog to a clearer head, overnight, as if by magic. Today I’m back to having the upper hand after weeks of dementia’s steel grip and it felt good to be back….how long will it last before the tide turns?…only time will tell….but while the odds are on my side I’ll carry on…after all, what is life without hope…