A foggy trundle to match my foggy head….. 

It’s been such a crazily busy month that it was inevitable that good days would be followed by bad days…and I’ve had so many hazy days of late because of it, but sometimes you have to put up with the bad to allow the good to happen….I even published 2 blogs on Friday when one was meant for yesterday 🙄

It may sound strange but on foggy days in my head, I feel quite at one with the weather if it’s foggy too and feel as though nature has tuned itself into me as I walk through the haze.

It was on one such day last week that I wrote this blog…..

I woke with the familiar tell tale signs; the hazy feeling, the emptiness. I asked Alexa the day and time and she thankfully filled in the detail of the day. Luckily she told me it was a Saturday, so no interviews, no zooms, I was free to be in my silent haze. 

As I opened the curtain I smiled, it was as if nature had come along to join me as there was a thick veil of fog over the village. I could only see a short distance just the same as in my head….

After a while I realised I needed to join nature, be in the fog with the fog in my head. I must have forgotten to put on my head, as I soon realised my head was cold and pulled up my hood on my coat. I had my camera round my neck but fully expected not to see anything today.

I hadn’t got very far, just to the cow field when something caught my eye. A couple approached and distracted my attention, saying hello, me returning the greeting, then I caught sight of it again. Up high on the top most branch looking down….I thought it might just be a pigeon, but as I zoomed in, its beauty was revealed…..a Kestrel

It too felt comfortable out in the open with this veil of fog making it unseen to the smaller life below. I stood clicking away

Enjoying that single moment with nothing else in my head to disturb the peace…..

What a start…I crossed the road and felt as though the Kestrel had come out for me today, for me to see through the haze and capture its beauty….

I trundled aimlessly, my legs taking me where they fancied walking. Along the farm wall, tiny beads of dew clung to the grass growing through the gaps in the mortar

A saw a flash of a tiny bird coming to land on a branch, I zoomed in once more, a blue tit

As I reached the corner house, the one with many bird feeders, I slowed my steps so as not to surprise them…or was it my legs simply stopped….? The birds seemed less fearful, less willing to take flight and hung around for me, almost knowing my snapping finger was slower today

And then the calmest of them all, my friend the Robin, making me smile as if to say, “It’ll be alright, we’re here’

And knowing they were there brought me calmness. Even though it was foggy both in my head and for real, that routine of the birds appearing made everything ok.

I left them to their breakfast and my legs took me further along. I walk totally oblivious to where I am or where I’m going, trusting in my inner instinct …

Everything very silent, very still, sounds of cars not being seen, voices of unknown people, shadows in the distance…

A familiar street comes into view….I’m home once more

And as I sit on my bed, a warming cuppa tea in my hand, I stare out of the window and can see the fog lifting….unlike the haze in my head….

When the weather is foggy it feels like a different world, where bits of it are missing and you have to rely on your memory to fathom out what’s ahead…….well for me that’s my world, except my memory doesn’t always remember and I just have to be happy with the bit I can see and not think ‘what’s ahead’?………

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with Young Onset Dementia. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

19 thoughts on “A foggy trundle to match my foggy head….. 

  1. Wendy I feel for you in your foggy haze. But even in your fog you have given us such a descriptive account of your trundle, especially meeting the kestrel, (those photos are amazing!) the blue tit and the robin (was the other one a chaffinch? – I’m not very good with knowing what birds are).

    You handled this so well, and it’s so good that you recognise your situation and can deal with it in an appropriate way. And after such a week as you’d had, as you say, it’s hardly surprising that this happened. I get the feeling that your normality is gradually coming back, which I welcome.

    Thank you, once again.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wendy, thank you for this post. You have such a way of sharing your lived experience that makes it so much easier for folks like me to start to understand. I am thinking of my mum now who dearly loved birds and would have enjoyed sharing the experience with you I am certain. She had fuzzy days rather than foggy ones. Thank you for the memory and the smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You never cease to amaze Keith and I Wendy we are learning so much from you are your experiences, thank you so much. The pictures are lovely as usual like you I have a affinity with Robins.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello Wendy…Well, the fog threw some lovely pictures up for you! Kestrel, blue tit, chaffinch and robin all in one morning walk. Beautiful! So lovely for you to live near nature.
    Just to let you know I’m really enjoying your new book….it’s a great help to us carers and will be a godsend to so many people. Please pass on our thanks to all who helped in its production? Take care, Wendy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on canisgallicus and commented:
    Sunday newspapers and a magazine introduced me to this woman. Dementia, alzheimers, frontal lobe dementia, people with amnesia from traumatic brain injuries, people who have had strokes, the Pandemic which has lasted almost two long years has not been in our favour. Why? There is a need for stimulation, engagement, chat, gatherings like choirs. Wendy is an inspiration. She was diagnosed with dementia in her 50’s, at the time she held an important organisation role within the NHS which she had to leave. But she did and Wendy applied something inherent in her personality and adapted. Wendy does not say “she suffers” from Dementia but says she lives with it. Wendy now in her early 60’s has written two books, she has a form of mentor to assist her. Lifelong learning is so very important.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello Wendy. I have just finished reading your first book and would like to thank for such an eye-opening read. I am noticing how much more forgetful and muddled I have become over recent months, and of course I have been panicking over the possibility of dementia rearing its ugly head. So you have helped me enormously to feel positive about living with the disease if and when I have to face it. Many thanks for sharing your inspiring story. I love your photos of the birds. I often spend hours watching and feeding my garden birds and several will come to my call at feeding time.

    Liked by 1 person

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