How will I cope coming out of this…..?

As the vaccine gets rolled out to more and hints of lockdown rules being eased begin to be hinted at, the niggling thoughts of the future come into my head. How will I cope coming out of lockdown? What will I want to do? Do I really want to go back to how things were before?

On quiet rainy days, when I’m stuck inside, these thought flit around in my head, creeping up without warning. Some of them deliver joy, others fear and confusion, but most deliver the unknown, the undecided.

The only thing I definitely 100% know I want to do, is to go back to my paradise of Keswick. If I had to choose just one journey to undertake, that would be it. I’d sacrifice all the rest just to be sat in my room with a view

And my bench with the Robins as company…

If anything would get me travelling again, that would be the journey. Will Appletrees have survived? I do hope so. Catherine, the lovely proprietor has befriended me on Facebook and posts her daily swim in the Lake in all weathers. Her and her friend did ‘Wet January’ where they swam every day no matter what; breaking through ice, in the rain, the snow, the wind and on balmy beautiful days. Each day I could watch her in the place I love the most and that has kept me connected, kept me in touch with this wonderful part of the country I’d gladly call my second home.

But what of the rest? What of all the other travelling? Do I want to go back to that? Will there be a need? Will everything have gone on line now via Zoom?

The simple answer is, I’m really not sure. I’d hate it all to stay on zoom, although many playmates would, especially those who find it hard to travel; they wish this world would stay as it’s brought the world to them. However, I find zoom more tiring, more wearing and rather sad. Instant farewells instead of long goodbyes; the staring at images instead of feeling peoples presence. No, zoom is not my chosen future. It’s all we’ve got at the moment but I’ve opted out of many because of it. Then how will people look, standing on legs instead of just seeing their head and shoulders? The whole person instead of their head 🤔…

It’s the travelling that would inspire me to keep going. I love travelling, seeing landscapes change as I whizz through the countryside on a train, towns and cities appearing and disappearing and then arriving at the destination and having to find my way. That stimulation all that provides might be the reason I do start again.

But maybe travelling for its own sake would be rather nice. I’d love a visit to the Western Isles again, if Philly would have me.

I’d love to go to Blackpool and meet up with Gail and us both take piccies together. All without the stress of events and speaking. But then…..would that be enough to keep my brain going for longer?

Who knows how will all pan out. We’ve all got a lot of thinking to do. Let’s hope the world has learnt something from this pandemic. That we all need each other. That green space is important. That our countryside is important. Speaking of which, would I trundle as much if I were travelling each day?

My trundles are the very essence of this lockdown that have kept me going, my trundles with my camera. Would I have met as many villagers if we hadn’t been locked down – nope…..would I have seen nature in all its glory….nope…..would I have taken as many photographs …..certainly not. And I think I’ll miss that if the world goes back to how it was…..if only we could pick and choose what bits to allow back into our lives…or maybe we can….🤔

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

22 thoughts on “How will I cope coming out of this…..?

  1. I so understand how you are feeling, Wendy. The world seems a different place now, and as you say, there have been benefits as well as drawbacks to being in lockdown. It will be lovely to be able to meet friends in person in their own homes and go out for lunch together. I can see that people who can’t get out easily will want to stay with Zoom, but like you I find this a soul-less experience. Perhaps it will be a mixture of both. We can only wait and see. Find out about Appletrees now – I suspect that bookings will go fast once things are open again. 🙏🏻 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved the last picture with the bunny especially, and your way of tying it all together with it at the end.
    I know exactly what you mean about the uncertainty of when it all goes back to “normal” again. How would we feel when not safely ensconced in our homes? It’s easier to maintain the daily routine that we, the afflicted, need in our lives to function when our world is relegated to home and not much else.
    Nonetheless, let’s see how it goes, we are a ways from that still, although here, in South Florida, our reckless Governor keeps trying to open everything up, ready or not!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it will be difficult for most of us when we are eventually ‘released’ and I’m sure it will take time to adjust to whatever the new normal will be, so you are not alone in that. I really hope though that you get back to your paradise sometime this year, and to some of your meetings face to face. Whatever you do Wendy, please continue with your lovely blogs, whether it’s trundles around your beautiful village or trips further afield, I really look forward to hearing of your adventures and have found them especially comforting during lockdown, thank you for all the wonderful tales and pics. Fondest love, barbara

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I share your thoughts about how to cope; I don’t have Alzheimer’s as far as I know, but sometimes I think I quite like things the way they are now, and other times I wish things were different, but not necessarily all as they were. I don’t think we’ll know either way for some time yet. And you said yesterday that you’ve got a promise from Appletrees, so that’s something to look forward to.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Definitely something for us all to think about Wendy. It’s going to be a strange old/new world for sure. Hope to see you in Keswick when we are able to go. Maybe on your bench as we are there quite a lot during our annual trip -booked for June this year, with fingers, toes and eyes crossed! x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are not alone! I don’t have dementia ( I’m a carer) but as an introvert I’ve been thinking like this for a while. Many aspects of lockdown have suited me very well and I feel nervous about getting over committed by well meaning friends and family. It will be nice to see them of course but it will also make me very anxious . Texts and emails are less stressful to me and can be answered in my own time rather than having to plan a journey and worry about getting there at the right time etc. I had a feeling I’d get a bit too used to my own company and the closer we get to ‘normal’ I realise that’s exactly what’s happened. I expect we’ll all readapt as time goes by but thank you for the thoughtful and honest words , saying what I have not dared to share for fear of being thought of as unfriendly / miserable/ unsociable etc . It made me realise lots of people will have anxieties over the world opening again,for many different reasons.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This is exactly what my wife was saying to me the other day, how she feels. Before lockdown, she found going to our weekly meetings very challenging but did it nevertheless. At present we have all our meetings via Zoom and she finds that a lot less daunting, though not without it’s own stresses to overcome. As you say, many people will find it difficult going back to normal, when ‘normal’ was such a battle for them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for telling me that! It’s nice to know I’m not just weird or if I am there’s more like me so at least I’m weird in good company!

        Liked by 2 people

  7. I think things will go back to being in person, but with a zoom element to allow those who want to continue to participate virtually to do so. A hybrid model, so to speak. There were a number of benefits to opening things up to folks who might not normally have been able to take part. Best of both worlds! Thanks for bringing up this topic! Let’s hope everyone behaves in the meantime and we avoid another relapse.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Wendy,

    Your blog put me in mind of something we used to do at work at times, a swot analysis. No doubt you did them too. Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

    Clearly, a strength you have is your indomitable spirit and positive outlook. You mention the opportunity lockdown has presented you, to get out and make new friends in your village and I think whatever else presents, you will go on discovering new opportunities. As to weaknesses, you have turned these around through your writing and involving yourself in research and support networks, adding new skills to compensate for those that you’ve lost.

    In terms of threats and weaknesses it’s important too, I feel, to remember that we are not alone. The Apostle Paul, who faced more challenges than most wrote, ‘When I am weak, then I am powerful.’ He was referring to that which he received from God, especially at those times when he felt overwhelmed by difficulties or in times of need, and not in desperation nor as a last resort but as his first.

    Best wishes,

    Alex

    Liked by 1 person

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