My community my future…..

Social Care has to change, no doubt about it. But what has to change? I’m involved with Neil Crowther, helped by my wonderful enabler Philly, in a project that’s trying to change the way people think about Social care. They’re doing some wonderful research through a company that finds out, not only what people think, but why people think as they do. Whether they can be influenced to change their views

I’m at the early stages of involvement, I think 🙄….so I don’t have any answers just thoughts that have come to me whilst in this strange prison I find myself in…albeit a very nice prison, but then I’m lucky…..I’m talking about my village of course….we’re not perfect by any means, but the majority of people ‘care’. I’m not talking about a ‘dementia friendly community’, I’m talking about a ‘people friendly community’, as everyone needs to feel cared for….

 We all want people to care…we want to feel part of something, be it large or small. Where we live and our surroundings can play a huge part in our social well being.

No one situation is right for everyone. Each person has their own preference or sometime their situation gives them little choice of where they live..

I’ve often wondered what this strange time would have been like if I’d have still lived in York? 🤔

As I’ve said many times before, pre dementia I was an extremely private person. Now I’m been overtaken by this gregarious alien, I need to know people are around me who make me  feel safe. Before Covid existed I would be travelling about nearly every day of the week, meeting different people, at events, on the train, meeting, listening and talking to lots of people. But that’s all disappeared. Of course it’s disappeared for many, not just me.

Instead of enjoying the rare quiet days where I had me and silence for company, those silent days far outnumber the days when I talk to anyone, creating a strange loneliness …one like I’ve never felt before.

I know I have many zooms I could join, but I need to feel peoples presence. Zoom has been a life saver for so many playmates, and want the zoom way to continue long after Covid for very valid reasons, for those who find travelling difficult or simply don’t like travelling…….but for me, I adore travelling and the contriveness ( I know that word doesn’t sound right but I can’t think of the right word)……a set time to ‘have a conversation’…..instead of the randomness of a few minutes chat in the street and then a goodbye. Just being around people is sometimes enough for me; hearing other voices. Unfortunately for me, yet fortunately for so many others, the Zoom world will be with us for a very long time and that makes me sad…I know I’ll have to overcome those feelings or I’ll miss out on so much, but I also know it would never be my first choice.

Loneliness  is a social care issue. So how have I coped with that? By feeling embraced by my village community……..yesterdays blog was the perfect example…when the professionals let us down, sometimes through no fault of their own, we have to help one another.

Having said that, I’m not giving the government the nod to relinquish all responsibility. The medical world has let me and many others down badly during this Covid time. Of course they’ve been working their socks off against Covid and lack of resources has meant every other condition has sadly been neglected in many cases. So I want people to realise that Social Care doesn’t exist purely for the vulnerable but everyone is affected.

Just a simple example here….as well as my village Facebook page, I also post on the Beverley Facebook page, nt very often but occasionally. The other week, I rediscovered a lovely flower shop which had moved to bigger premises. I took some photos while I was there and then posted them on both Facebook pages…..I simply said how wonderful it was, said how we should support local businesses and then gave the name of the street…..but instead of Lord Roberts Road, I put Lord Mayors Walk…….🙈…..for me, I used to love running along the latter when I lived in York and it must have stuck in my head.

The villagers didn’t comment, they knew where I meant, what did it matter? But I got a barage of insults on the Beverley Facebook page, some really nasty comments.

“Who in their right mind would put a post with the wrong address”

“We don’t have a Mayor so how can we have a Lord Mayors Walk”

And after explaining I used to live in York…“Go back to York if you’re gonna get it wrong”

What makes people make nasty comments? Is it the anonymity of social media? It made me very sad. It brought my mood immediately down. Maybe they don’t think of the effect words can have on people. The downside of social media, where it seems to be a free for all. They certainly don’t think how THEY may have affected someone’s mental health and mental health is certainly a Social Care issue, making social care everyone’s issue.

So maybe the title of this blog should have been “Our Community, Our Future”..…but maybe that will create it’s own post code lottery of occurrence as there will always be those who don’t see it as a shared responsibility…..🤔….but then a ‘Community’ comes in many guises – where you live is only one of them. Communities on line, Peer support and many I said at the beginning, just my initial thoughts….

So I’m looking forward to seeing this ‘Social Care Future’ project developing. As a poster they put on Twitter said:

I know I do….how about you….?


About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with Young Onset Dementia. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

21 thoughts on “My community my future…..

  1. I have the greatest respect for you Wendy but if I may I would like to disagree with you on one point – I don’t think the professionals let us down so much as the confines of the system they find themselves having to function within. The governments over the years have let everyone down by not recognising our multi-cultural multi-faceted society and this means we as a society have let ourselves down. I believe everyone has a right to be respected for the individual that they are and no-one has the right to disrespect another – especially online – and I am very sorry that you have not been treated with respect. As someone once said to me these people aren’t mean they are just stupid so you make sure you just keep doing what you do and don’t give trolls the time of day. Contriveness joins discombobulation in my words to remember 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. There is something about some people feeling free to say horrible things on social media because it’s (usually) anonymous.

    It’s sometimes the same on YouTube; I like to click on to some videos and enjoy them, but I have seen awful rude comments on some of them. I am an admirer of Greta Thunberg, and have enjoyed watching her, but some of the things people say in the comments – many are simply cruel. I think a lot of more well known people make a point of not reading any comments because of that. But I can’t understand why people do it.

    Best ignored, I think, Wendy, even if you explained your situation the horrible people would still make horrible comments. Stick to your more friendly village Facebook ;o)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hello, Wendy. Coming to you from New York, I repeat how impressed I am with the way you manage with dementia. My husband, I guess, is further along in his decline. He could not write an article like yours. I so appreciate your blog, and I wish that the U.S. had a more enlightened government that provided socialized medicine. The U.K. may need improvement, but you’re better off than we are! Keep writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Unfortunately there will always be the trolls out there who have such empty lives that they will get a kick out of anonymously bullying others. It’s not personal my friend and it’s their problem, not yours. 😊😎

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think with the Internet we have to chose, to enjoy the good and ignore the bad. Often people post nasty comments just to get attention best not to indulge them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Is it a feeling of being inadequate that makes people so unkind ? Let’s hope the kindness that has been seen during Covid, will stay and grow. You amaze me in your strength and determination Wendy .

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hi Wendy
    I enjoy reading your blog each day. I live in Auckland , New Zealand. My memory is failing and I am very grateful for you modelling behaviour that I wish to emulate.. I want to focus on the things I can do and not the things I find difficult. Your book opened a new source of help for me as I realised I had begun to do many of the strategies you shared and found your experiences very helpful and practical. Your blog is delightful and refreshing giving me ideas of things to do and interests to expand my life. Above all I feel I am on a journey and there are hard working, friendly, loving others on that journey too. It is comforting to read your blog each day, like waving out and chatting to a neighbour. I know I am usually silent but I have been reluctant to share my situation with many. You have been brave, Wendy, and I am grateful for your sharing. If there are people who don’t appreciate you be aware that there will be many, many more of us who silently appreciate you very much.
    Keep on sharing my dear. Love Pat

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Why do we have such a rubbish social care system? You can’t blame the workers, the politicians will get away with what they can. The general population is to blame, how many of your nice villagers would actually pay with their own money extra taxes to repair the system? Your village is lovely, I know it, but the majority probably voted Tory so I think the answer is no. That is the problem; people can’t/won’t look at the broken system and be ready to spend their money through taxes; education is needed to show through personal stories the reality.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Wendy,
    Sorry you had such a nasty experience on so called ‘social’ media. Like everything else, to work for the collective good it requires people to behave in a kind, considerate and selfless way and have respect for authority and one another, but so often we experience the opposite. For example, the other day I went to our beach for a swim. There was a group of youngsters also enjoying themselves but I was appalled to see that when they left, how much rubbish remained. Fortunately they left a carrier bag as well so I was able to clear up after them. So as stewards of the environment, I see that for everyone who cares there are those feeling no responsibility for their actions. An attitude reflected in every quarter of life.

    I doubt there has ever been any time, place or generation where such attitudes didn’t coexist. I have behaved irresponsibly in the past but I hope not now, at least not intentionally. Nevertheless, in common with most others I must still be adding to the burden on the environment. I love creation and aim to do no harm, but I do not believe that we will produce a permanent solution despite the fact that many of us do grasp that the chickens really have come home to roost.

    Instead, I am persuaded by what an ancient prophet once observed: “It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” In other words mankind isn’t authorised or equipped to successfully govern himself. We only have to switch on the news to see evidence of this – wide-scale corruption, incompetence, etc. But the same prophet offers hope so we can bear it for now and look to the horizon with full confidence.

    Warmest regards as ever,

    Liked by 1 person

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