Yesterday was the date of the rearranged PIP (Personal Independence Payment) visit…..last month they were due to appear but failed to turn up…..you can read about it here if you missed that one…
Yesterday the letter said they were due to arrive between 09.00 – 11.00 and I sat waiting for Gemma to arrive. The nerves had been rising inside for days….that feeling of worry, that whittling and gnawing away in my head…….knowing what was to come…..or not knowing….
The early morning was a roller coaster fuelled hour as I opened my inbox to find a wonderful email from a company that I’m hoping will help me with my next fund raising adventure. My support group at York Minds and Voices, is running out of funds, so this year I’ve decided to raise money for them. I looked through the piccies of my sky dive last year and was transported back to that wonderful day….floating in the sky…..and for a moment it lifted my spirits…
They agreed to my taking part in the adventure….just need to find the right method to raise money now so WATCH THIS SPACE!!
After reading that, I closed my iPad and the worry returned, Gemma arrived, and we sat waiting for the Assessor to arrive…….
They were due between 9-11 and amazingly arrived at 9am 😳……my stomach churned as Gemma let her in……
We sat there for 90 minutes, talking about all the things I can’t do, about my vulnerability, my failures…obviously I wasn’t typing so this is simply what sprang to mind as she left…..
She was very thorough…appeared very kind. I was very vague, as usual, as I find it hard to remember the bad stuff, trying continually to block that from my mind every day. But luckily Gemma didn’t, and filled in all the gaps, prompting me where necessary….guiding me through this maize of conversation that left us both exhausted but glad it was over…..she did give us one helpful suggestion – for one of my daughters to become ‘An Appointee’. I’d never heard of that term before, but apparently it will make some things easier. We’ll have a conversation and do some digging around. How are we suppose to know these things if no one tells us in the first place…? But at least she did..
As the woman was leaving, she apparently said to Gemma:
“People like your mum shouldn’t have to go through this, but sadly it’s the system…”
Well at least she had a heart and saw that…..but it’s not her that makes the decision and someone else could look at her report and see things entirely differently. We will just have to wait and see….
As she disappeared and left me and Gemma on our own, we hugged and I cried…..simply the relief of it being over leaking out through my eyes………a system which tries to catch out the few and fails to support those with a genuine need…..