When you think the fog will clear…. but it doesn’t………

How much of the me I am now has been created by dementia and how much is the me that was?

My girls will tell you how different this character before you is from the old me. The intensely private person replaced by a gregarious alien…….but I quite like this new alien character I’ve become.

I’ve always been intuitive but am more so now. I’m lucky, I can analyse my dementia from the outside looking in as well as from the inside.

It’s not that I’ve changed physically which bizarrely people expect. The number of times people have said to me, ‘you look no different from last time’ is very frustrating and disheartening . People are often surprised that I ‘look well’…….the fact is I like walking, I like pottering in the garden, so I’m often outside in the sunshine. The change is cognitively, inside your brain, affecting the speed of thought, the ability to do things. I’m not ageing as such, I’m cognitively declining………

This recent progression started a couple of weeks ago (Ithink!). The fog descended one day, or it was actually more like a mist. I expected it to clear, as it usually does, if I sit silently and wait, but this time it didn’t. It was there the next day, and still there now a fortnight or so later.

It’s not a mist that affects your vision, but a mist inside your brain, making it harder to think, slower for words to emerge. Just harder ‘to do’. And so is this how progression happens? A permanent change in the weather of the brain?

As long as I can analyse and understand what’s happening, I’m happy to hang around and play this game that dementia has set me. But must keep an eye on it…..as the last thing I want is to fall off the cliff edge and have dementia playing the check mate move……

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

35 thoughts on “When you think the fog will clear…. but it doesn’t………

      1. Hi Wendy
        My sister is living with Dementia and your book has helped me to understand why there are sunny days and cloudy days. Thank you you are an inspiration xx

        Liked by 1 person

      1. That echoes with mr Wendy…i went from a very shy child to quite a reserved person unless I knew people very well…now sometimes I can’t believe what I’ve just said… I’m much more inclined to join in with things than I was…I’ve never noticed it until about three months ago…I feel lucky that there’s people like you who make me feel less alone….thankyou

        Liked by 2 people

  1. How interesting to hear a positive aspect of changes since diagnosis! I wonder if also your ability as the “alien being” to respond so warmly to people you meet is actually freed by your difficulty in retaining fully without your having taken notes/recordings and pictures, and responding afresh. Having met writers in signing sessions who were clearly worn down and grumpified by hearing the same questions and comments (despite being otherwise warm and insightful people) I think you may have an advantage in being able to keep fresh…
    Always a pleasure reading your blog – and to see how you are outwitting your opponent to get around in the fog and avoid checkmate!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Is there any chance that a newish medication has brought on this fog? I’ve known people with dementia who have had this happen as a side effect of something they were prescribed.

    If not, you have my sympathy! I have a genetic condition that brings with it chronic pain. The constant presence of pain often brings brain fog with it. I am grateful when the fog clears ….so I imagine how discouraging it must be to think that your fog might be here to stay. I am praying for you that this fog is NOT here to stay — or that if it is, you will find creative ways to deal with it.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It is amazing how you are able to analyse and explain what it all feels like. And that we can share in that, to understand what other around us, and we ourselves, might be experiencing. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Wendy, I finished reading your book last night and wanted to thank you so much for writing it. My Mum was diagnosed with dementia about 6 months ago and your book has given me an insight into what it might be like for her and such useful advice on supporting her to live as well as possible with it. I’ve recommended your book to her, to my dad and my brother (and anyone else I talk to about it!). With heartfelt gratitude and all good wishes. I hope your mist lifts. Sam x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My Husband doesn’t seem to know he has Dementia but he is clearly often frustrated that he can’t remember how to complete a task or where to put things. He struggles trying to tell me things. Your blog is giving me insights into how he must be feeling. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on george rook and commented:
    Wendy has the ability to write with insight and honesty. This is a good example. Exterior versus interior. Don’t judge a book by its cover…who I used to be versus who I am now. Between us all we are getting people to understand dementia/brain disease.
    I think we generally welcome many changes, and certainly all the wonderful new friends we make. And Wendy is the best sister I ever had.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hi Wendy I’ve been following you on Twitter for some weeks now and finished your book yesterday/ I am recommending it to everyone I know in work – being a fellow Nhs manager – and also to anyone who has been touched by dementia . As of today I am signed up to your blog . you are an inspirational lady .

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I wish I had read your book when my Mum had dementia as I would have understand life from her point of view much more clearly and been better able to interact with her. It is required reading for all those who are touched by dementia in some way, which is nearly everybody. Keep on keeping on. Love Amanda from Melbourne, Australia.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wendy, I seem to come across your blogs just when I need them. Thank you for writing so clearly – you help me understand what I see happening. Much love to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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