Whenever I’m speaking at an event I always read from a speech I’ve prepared, otherwise goodness knows what I’d talk about and I’d be likely to go totally off piste.
People have said to me – ‘You read differently than you speak’…….that’s so true. I’m accompanied by this alien childlike voice now when I’m simply in conversation…
My daughters have said ‘ It sounds like the old you when you’re reading’ – sad but very true. I find it comforting to hear the old me and can listen to me reading quite happily.
When did my voice change? I havn’t a scooby doo……it left without warning, like so many others things leave without you noticing……
Some people looked at me in horror when I said I’d recorded the American version of my book……..but they’d not heard me read.
I’ve always said I can type as though dementia never entered my world. I can type words quicker than I can think and speak them, so the same seems to apply to reading…….
Someone else contacted me to say their voice had also changed and it was a comfort for both of us knowing we weren’t alone.
And the reason for this? Or at least my very logical theory behind all this…….
When I’m reading words, I’m cutting out the middle man. I’m not having to think of the words as they’re there in front of me already. So the exhaustive process of thinking of new words and new sentences to construct doesn’t exist. I’m simply reading.
People ask me, ‘but when you’re live on TV or radio you come out with answers’ .
Yes I do, but for those who have seen me time and time again, they will have noticed, that I come out with the same answers, the same stories. They’re filed away and a key word that a journalist throws at me, opens up the right drawer in my brain and out pops the answer. Sadly though, the alien voice speaks these….
Someone recently said to me how they’d heard many of the sentences I’d given when they heard me interviewed on stage, before, either on my blog or having said them before. It’s almost like a stockpile of responses…..
I’m sometimes really surprised on what comes out of my mouth as the standard replies often comes without me thinking, but because they’re not written they come out in this alien voice that accompanies me now
That’s why I stumble on new questions. That’s why I always ask what’s going to be asked – to make sure no new words need to be written on my ipad to read and some somehow become installed in my hard drive……..
The brain is a very complex bit of kit. Dementia throws curved balls to try to make you stumble and fall. I try to do everything possible to make sure I remain standing……