I wrote this during the 3 week break over Christmas but then forgot about it, hence why it’s only just making an appearance. The Christmas break is always mixed with excitement and fear and this reminds me why………..
You could almost hear that evil laughter; dementia seeping through and taking over…..winning.
As simply sitting, doing nothing, in silence became a pleasure, a comfort, a relief. But that part of me, still alert to an attack, kept telling me, trying desperately to give me the signs, that over Christmas, I was ignoring. The 3 weeks of blank calendar gave dementia the opportunity it had been looking for……
I’m usually up early – 7, 7.30, even when I’ve got a free day……but suddenly I found myself simply laying in silence, not wanting to get up. Energy was zero, but I didn’t care. I was content in doing nothing, simply staring out of my bedroom window at the birds and squirrels in the trees.
The part of my brain that still looks down on me intuitively, seeing the reality of the situation, was telling me to fight it off. I’d learnt from last year not to stop typing as last year, once I started up again, I realised dementia had made me forget that simple task.
I’d been under the weather with the stupid cold and cough that half the population had so I’d initially put my lethargy down to that. My body simply needed to rest. But it then went further……I’ve never been one for not ‘doing’, even if it’s only a walk round the village, but even that lost its appeal over that 2 week quiet period as my body and brain shut down.
The strange thing is I wasn’t feeling sad but content. However, the intuitive me knows this isn’t right, knows I shouldn’t remain inactive, knows how this is dementia creeping up on me.It’s a good job last week was the start of a busy calendar again as I was forced to go out and start again.
I have, however, seen one bonus, just the one, but nevertheless a bonus, as this year is the first Christmas where food hasn’t been a priority. Losing interest in food means it’s the first year ever where I havn’t put on weight………every cloud……..I suppose…..