A glimpse of dementia winning……….

I wrote this during the 3 week break over Christmas but then forgot about it, hence why it’s only just making an appearance. The Christmas break is always mixed with excitement and fear and this reminds me why………..

You could almost hear that evil laughter; dementia seeping through and taking over…..winning.

As simply sitting, doing nothing, in silence became a pleasure, a comfort, a relief. But that part of me, still alert to an attack, kept telling me, trying desperately to give me the signs, that over Christmas, I was ignoring. The 3 weeks of blank calendar gave dementia the opportunity it had been looking for……

I’m usually up early – 7, 7.30, even when I’ve got a free day……but suddenly I found myself simply laying in silence, not wanting to get up. Energy was zero, but I didn’t care. I was content in doing nothing, simply staring out of my bedroom window at the birds and squirrels in the trees.

The part of my brain that still looks down on me intuitively, seeing the reality of the situation, was telling me to fight it off. I’d learnt from last year not to stop typing as last year, once I started up again, I realised dementia had made me forget that simple task.

Courtesy of our dear friend Google….

I’d been under the weather with the stupid cold and cough that half the population had so I’d initially put my lethargy down to that. My body simply needed to rest. But it then went further……I’ve never been one for not ‘doing’, even if it’s only a walk round the village, but even that lost its appeal over that 2 week quiet period as my body and brain shut down.

The strange thing is I wasn’t feeling sad but content. However, the intuitive me knows this isn’t right, knows I shouldn’t remain inactive, knows how this is dementia creeping up on me.It’s a good job last week was the start of a busy calendar again as I was forced to go out and start again.

I have, however, seen one bonus, just the one, but nevertheless a bonus, as this year is the first Christmas where food hasn’t been a priority. Losing interest in food means it’s the first year ever where I havn’t put on weight………every cloud……..I suppose…..

About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

7 thoughts on “A glimpse of dementia winning……….

  1. Interestingly there’s a thread on Gransnet at the moment, not related to the effects of dementia, but discussing how lost and unmotivated many people feel after Christmas. Some of it may be due to the dull dark days, but may also be due that ‘not having to do anything’ feeling and everything being slightly different, even down to different presenters on the radio.
    By the way, I’ve just been reading the excerpts from your book in the Daily Mail – it’s brilliant. I can see it being used as a teaching aid for professionals working in that field. I’ve never come across an account written from the inside so to speak. Must have cost you a lot in time, motivation and brain power to produce it, but it’s definitely worth it. x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this really useful insight – my dad’s dementia is at a different stage to yours, and there is a tension between his preferred routines and how they affect him physically and him staying engaging in things if he doesn’t potter down the farm and saw a few logs (muscle memory is awesome) most days. He cant explain it all (the words don’t come out anymore) he just knows he needs to, but this post would make sense of what he is up to.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You may forget what to do or expect. You might never remember the golden doors you’ve opened. Certainly, you won’t remember the courage and struggles of this part of your life.

    We will never forget you and the wonderful road you chose to help others. Your amazing personal journey which took much effort on your part in the way of explorers and pioneers of the past. Helping to map out and understand our world so others can follow in awareness and preparation.

    What you have done for humanity is powerful and is just the beginning of your work growing and educating the individuals who need it. Someone will pick up the torch of your insights and comments and go onward with this knowledge.

    All it takes is people such as yourself with great self-discipline, courage and a need to help others to change things in the world.

    Your work has helped me, impressed me and given me a gift of knowing before not knowing creeps in. A chance to be aware, not as afraid knowing there are secret ways to make life easier living with Alzheimer’s.

    I will never forget what you have given me and so many others. Yes, to those of us who are learning. It was worth it. Thank you will never be enough.

    Liked by 1 person

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