To see or not to see…..that is the question……

I’m sure I must have written before about ‘seeing things’ that aren’t real or not knowing whether what you’re seeing is real or no’……very common occurrence for people with dementia as I know well…..

Well last week it happened again…I think……

This time it was a pheasant 😳……yes, you read right…as well as my telly😱……When I come into the lounge, through the archway, and look in the direction of where my telly should be, there’s a black space instead. It must be the angle I’m at because as soon as I move, it appears again. It’s quite disconcerting for a few seconds until I move, but I’ve got use to that – so back to the pheasant ……

I was in the kitchen and outside on my lawn, I clearly saw a pheasant, large as life and only a few feet away from me looking very relaxed and at home. In the blink of an eye it was gone. Now I realise I’m surrounded by countryside  and pheasants are quite normal but you usually see them scuttling across the road evading the traffic or in the distant fields……not on my lawn….ever…..well, until now, that is.

Was it real or a figment of my ever increasing strange brain? As some of you know I always use the 30 minute rule when I see unexpected sites. Usually if it’s still there in 30 minutes, I know it’s real, but this one didn’t even hang around in my vision for more than a few seconds.

Before you ask, no it wasn’t my bird of choice for christmas dinner – perfuse apologies to all vegetarians amongst you. AND when I say ‘my choice’ I was of course referring to ‘Stuart’s choice’ of what to cook for Christmas dinner….…so it wasn’t one coming to get it’s own back on me.

At the time it was as clear as a bell. I even thought to reach for my phone in order to take a photo – that way I could be 100% whether it was real or not. But in the time it took me to blink and reach for my phone, it was gone. Now my garden is quite small and surrounded by a high fence so I should have been able to see it go but I looked and looked and there was no sign.

Bizarre…..real? I doubt it.

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About wendy7713

On the 31st July 2014 I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I may not have much of a short term memory anymore but that date is one I’ll never forget. I’m 58 years young, live happily alone in Yorkshire, have 2 daughters and I’m currently still in full time employment in the NHS. However, I’m now in the process of taking early retirement to give me a chance of enjoying life while I’m still me. I've started this blog to allow me, in the first instance, to write all my thoughts before they’re lost. If anyone chooses to follow my ramblings it will serve as a way of raising awareness on the lack of research into Alzheimer's. It will hopefully convey the helplessness of those diagnosed with dementia, as there is no cure – the end is inevitable. However, I’m also hoping I can convey that, although we've been diagnosed, people like me still have a substantial contribution to make; we still have a sense of humour; we sill have feelings. I’m hoping to show the reality of trying to cope on a day to day basis with the ever-changing environment that dementia throws at those diagnosed with the condition. What I want is not sympathy. What I want is simply to raise awareness.

14 thoughts on “To see or not to see…..that is the question……

  1. ‘Like’ seems wrong – I wish there was an ‘appreciate’ button! I was wondering, Wendy, does it help rationalise things to write them down? I know it does me if I’m getting in a muddle. I don’t have dementia (though I do worry about getting it and wonder, sometimes … ), but writing sort of clarifies things. Is that how it is for you? xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Regarding today’s post I have just spent ages watching a cushion getting larger and then slowly shrinking again, very weird. I had read about hallucinations but they have only just started with me. Feel a bit unnerved!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t let them frighten you Judith – just go with the flow and the 30 minute rule. Helps to calm the heartbeat down. If I’m quick enough I’d take a picture or video so I can instantly see if it’s real or not😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This reminds me of the scene in Alan Bennett’s ‘The Lady in the Van’ where he goes to see his mother up in Yorkshire. She is possibly in the early stages of dementia at that stage and Alan refuses to believe her when she tells him there is a massive blue bird in the garden. Eventually she insists that he comes and looks and there is a peacock!

    Liked by 2 people

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