No, I can no longer run – which I loved……no, I can no longer cook and bake – which I loved……no, I’m no longer able to read a book and remember what I read………but in the grand scheme of things, do these things really matter?
Well on some days it does matter – I get melancholy like everyone else. However, the majority of the time, I’m too busy doing other things for it to be of any great concern.
If you’re continually focusing on what you can’t do, and others are continually reminding you what you can’t do, then for sure you’ll end up depressed and feeling despair at the hand life has thrown at you.
My only way of coping with the hand life has thrown at me is to try to adapt. I concentrate on the things I still enjoy.
My daughters help me with an awful lot and accepting this doesn’t come naturally. After all, mums are suppose to be the ones who are there for their daughters – not the other way round. I still enjoy pottering in the garden. Watching seeds grow and flourish into strong healthy plants is a wonderful sight. I still enjoy pottering in the garden so I potter in my daughters garden as well as my own. That still makes me feel useful and makes me feel as though I’m helping them.
I may be slow in speaking and thoughts take time to formulate but I still have ideas and thoughts so we can still chat and discuss when problems arise. I can still be there for them.
I can’t cook like I use to – I was a very good cook – but now I enjoy my daughters cooking. Sarah cooks me amazing currys for the freezer and Stuart, Gemma’s partner, cooks me amazing meals. Why should I worry about not being able to cook?
I can’t run any more as I’d fall over – my brain and legs don’t work at the same pace – but I wobble around with my stick quite happily.
Noise and multiple conversations are a nightmare – but I now love sitting in silence listening to the birds………….
I can’t use the phone anymore so my daughters ring the Bank or energy companies when I get in a pickle – but what does it matter who rings, as long as I don’t mind and they don’t mind doing it……..
We watch in awe and admiration at the para olympians who strive to be the best with the bodies they have. I’m sure they go through moments of sadness and regret at what could have been, but that doesn’t stop them trying to achieve what seems like the impossible to most. Why shouldn’t we strive to do our best with the brains we have left.
So if you have a loved one with dementia, who is struggling to cope, help them focus on what they can still do and find new ways or new activities to compensate for the skills they’ve lost……….it may seem small and insignificant to you, but a tiny success could make their day…….
My disability may be invisible to others but I’m still visible as a person and want to make the most of what I can do….