This house move has revealed so much, none more so than my reliant on others.
I cling onto independence whilst knowing that I’m reliant on so many others.
Where once I would have put up curtain rails and painted the whole house inside and out, in no time at all, the thought is overwhelming, never mind the action of doing it. So I have to rely on other people to do these, once everyday things, for me. Everything seems a challenge – a mountain to climb – mountains are being climbed everyday. Dementia messes with the brain and makes tasks that were once simple, now complex.
Some people may say ‘What does it matter?’ – In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter but it’s another change to the person I once was, especially when you’re continually trying to be positive for yourself and everyone around you.
This invisible disability creates vulnerability where once it never existed. When people, like workmen are talking, I’m concentrating so much on what they’re saying that I forget to ask why they’re saying it.
Once, we were the strong ones, the leaders, the people who others came to for help, now we are the ones needing help.
I don’t want pity; I’m not looking for support. I’m simply having a bad day.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day……..or next week……
I’m sure Billy will raise my spirits……………..